


A Risky Undertaking

by Ana (Anafandom)



Series: Second Chances [16]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Civil War Team Iron Man, Gen, Loki Gets a Hug, Loki Needs a Hug, Odin's A+ Parenting, Thor Needs a Hug, Thor is a big of a douche, Thor's friends are assholes, Tony Is a Good Bro, but he's trying to do better, but they only have a small part
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-17
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2020-06-30 07:13:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 32,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19848187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anafandom/pseuds/Ana
Summary: Thor shows up on Earth and discovers that Loki is alive. Will they be able to reconcile or will the hurts of the past be too great an obstacle to overcome?





	1. Lost

**Author's Note:**

> Finally! After months of struggling with this story, it is finally finished. Hooray! :) I hope you guys like it.

“You are needed in the throne room, my Prince,” Heimdall said as soon as Thor and his friends came through the Bifrost. “Your father wishes to see you.”

Thor nodded. He waved good-bye to his friends and took off flying towards the palace, wondering what new mission Odin would have for him.

In the past few of years, since his return from Midgard after the battle against Ultron, Odin had had him constantly doing something. Renewed lessons in diplomacy that Thor had not paid much attention to the first time, reviewing all of Asgard’s treaties with the other realms, training, going all over Asgard to check on provisions, defenses and the state of their army… To be honest, Thor was quite exhausted. He understood the need for it, though. Asgard had been attacked by the Dark Elves and they had found themselves unprepared. Their losses had been great (Frigga was dearly missed) and it was only natural that they would rethink their practices in the face of such tragedy.

At first, Thor had been concerned about how his father would deal with the loss of both Frigga and Loki. He had been surprised by Odin sending him back to Midgard in the immediate aftermath of the attack. Surely it would have been better for Thor to remain and assist in rebuilding Asgard. Odin, however, had pointed out that Thor would not be effective as long as his heart was not truly there. His father had been trying to give him time with his beloved – time that Odin himself had been robbed of with Frigga. Unfortunately, only a couple of months later, Jane had ended their relationship citing cultural differences that made them incompatible. Thor had tried to argue, but he knew, deep down, that she was right. Their different lifespans were an insurmountable obstacle. Jane deserved someone who could grow old with her.

After that, he had joined the Avengers in the search for the scepter, and that took his mind off the breakup, which was perhaps a good thing. It had been fun being around the Avengers and fighting with them. It was not exactly the same as Asgard, but he felt useful. Plus he knew his friends back in Asgard would still be there, steadfastly by his side.

He missed Loki, though. Despite how difficult things had been between them, Thor still mourned his brother. He had believed that the brother he’d known had been lost for good in the void only to see him again at the end, dying on that wasteland in Svartalfheim. Had he been wrong all along and Loki could have been reached and reasoned with? Had the madness that had taken over his mind been curable after all? It hurt to think Thor could have done something more and perhaps Loki would not be dead now.

The palace guards bowed to him as he passed them and Thor nodded back absent-mindedly, mind still far away.

“Father, I have returned.” He knelt in front of the throne and waited.

“Thor. My son.”

When there was nothing further, Thor raised his head. “Yes, father? Shall I give my report?”

Odin clenched his jaw and waved a hand for him to continue, so Thor did. There was not much to say, in truth, only that the Vanir had agreed to their proposal and that there had been no incidents or problems. Once he was done, Thor waited again, but Odin remained silent. It was odd. Thor had expected further questions or, at least, an acknowledgement of his success.

“Father, is everything all right? Has something happened in my absence?” He had only been gone a fortnight. It was not very long, but disaster could often strike quickly and swiftly.

“No, nothing is wrong,” Odin finally said. “You may go.”

Thor frowned, unsure. Odin’s demeanor was strange. “Is there something else I can do, father?”

“No. You are dismissed.”

Thor bowed and left. As he went through the palace, he asked a few of the guards and servants if there had been any problems while he’d been away. They all said there had been nothing out of the ordinary.

 _Perhaps I am being overtly paranoid_ , Thor thought _. If there was a problem, father would surely tell me_ , he reasoned. Thor had come a long way from the recklessness of his youth, and Odin had trusted him with important matters these past few years.

For the next few weeks, Thor had nothing specific to do. After almost non-stop tasks, he found himself suddenly idle. Odin sequestered himself in his chambers and was seldom seen. Thor had no idea what he was doing, or why he was no longer issuing commands to all manner of people as he had before. Whenever Thor attempted to speak to his father and offer his assistance, he was turned away. It was disappointing, if he was to be honest. And puzzling.

His friends, however, quickly decided to take advantage of the lull in missions to insist they go on an adventure the way they used to. Thor wasn’t really sure about it at first, still concerned that there was something wrong, but at their continuous insistence, he finally agreed.

It was not the same. Loki’s absence was painful, even if Thor seemed to be the only one to notice it – or perhaps _because_ of it. He could no longer be as carefree as he had been. Back then, being king had been a fun fantasy; he’d had no real idea what it would truly mean. Now he was more aware of the responsibilities and duties that awaited him when he took the throne. And, if he was honest, he did not think he was ready. It was easy to take charge in a battle, to come up with plans and strategies to defeat the enemy. Ruling was more than that, however. The diplomatic and the day-to-day administrative parts seemed incredibly daunting. He had always assumed that he would have Loki by his side to help him with that, but now… Being king was not the glorious reward he had believed in his youth, and Thor honestly wasn’t sure he even wanted it anymore. It was too much work, and most of it extremely boring. He had not told anyone of his thoughts, of course, but he secretly hoped Odin would continue to rule for centuries more.

Thor returned from his excursion in no better spirits than when he’d left. He felt restless and antsy, so he began training harder than ever. He was ruthless in putting the guards and recruits through their paces. No one complained, though, well aware that they needed it. Asgard had become complacent and had lost their Queen and Prince as a result.

No one spoke of Loki. Frigga was constantly remembered, with people sharing stories of her kindness and beauty. Loki, on the other hand, seemed to have been forgotten. Not even his final sacrifice was retold in song. It made Thor feel sad, like he was letting his brother down somehow.

 _Loki chose to betray us_ , Thor thought. _He was imprisoned because of the many crimes he committed. He turned his back on us, on Asgard. He made his choice._ Even knowing all that, it still hurt. There was nothing he could do about it, however, and it was best to focus on the present.

After several more weeks of constant training and occasional adventures that left him feeling more tired than anything, Odin once again summoned Thor to the throne room. He had not seen much of his father, as the king had been busy with his advisors and councilmen. There had been delegations from Alfheim, Vanaheim and Nidavellir to speak with Odin as well, but Thor had not been invited to attend. He had tried not to let it show, but the exclusion had bothered him. Since his return from Midgard, he had been at least present for a lot of meetings, even if his father had often told him to keep quiet and observe only. At first he had been annoyed by that, then he remembered that he still had much to learn about kingship, and Odin was likely trying to teach him. He had then paid as close attention as he could despite the fact that most of it was just boring talk that he did not fully understand the purpose of. Now he could not decide if Odin believed the lessons were no longer necessary or if he just didn’t want to bother anymore.

That Odin looked irritated was the first thing he noticed upon entering the room, and it made him wary. In the past few years an irritated Odin had meant scathing remarks that Thor had had to fight not to flinch from. Ever since the failed coronation and his idiotic actions, Odin had been increasingly short-tempered with Thor, angry and insulting in a way he had never been before. There was a part of Thor that understood why, as he had shown himself foolish and reckless – unfit for a king. Another part, however, longed for the simple days when he felt invincible and righteous. Life had been much easier then. Now he was often plagued with uncertainty and self-doubt, and he hated it.

Thor knelt and waited, keeping his eyes on the ground. It was unnerving to think he had done something to displease his father, even more so because he had no idea what it could have been.

“I want a full report of all your missions since you returned from Midgard,” Odin said.

Thor blinked, confused. Nevertheless, he obeyed, standing and straightening to deliver his report (again). Once he was done, Odin waved a hand in dismissal and Thor frowned.

“Father, I don’t understand.”

“You are not required to understand,” Odin snapped and Thor clenched his jaw. “You are dismissed.”

Knowing that there was no point in arguing, Thor bowed and left.

He felt more alone than he ever had. He was no longer the favored son (and now, in hindsight, Thor could see that he _had_ been favored over Loki – and a part of him still felt that it was deserved; was he not the stronger warrior?), he could no longer fill his days with idle adventures and amorous conquests without a sense of emptiness descending on him like a smoldering blanket. He often found himself turning around to say something to Loki only to realize he was not there (and would never be there again). There were no sarcastic remarks to be heard, no eyes rolled in exasperation or impatient huffs as Loki insisted Thor was being an idiot.

There was no one to talk to at all.

In the past, he had gone to either Loki or Frigga when something was bothering him – or just when he wanted companionship. He still had Sif and the Warriors Three, but it was not the same. They did not understand his loss, not really. Loki had been their friend too, yet they seemed to have forgotten him much too easily. Or perhaps they didn’t want to add to Thor’s grief by speaking of him. Either way, sometimes Thor thought he was the only one in the whole realm who mourned Loki, and that made him feel unbearably lonely.

Perhaps he could return to Midgard for a while, spend time with his shield brothers there. It would be good to be surrounded by friends, people who understood what it was like to lose someone important. He did not have to be Prince Thor in Midgard, only Thor. He was respected and admired, but not in the same way as in Asgard. There was less expectation there, less doubt of his own suitability. His friends didn’t care if he was ready to be king, they would welcome him regardless.

Yes, that might be a good idea. It was obvious that his father had no use for him now. Maybe there were enemies to defeat in Midgard that he could help with. It would make him feel less useless (and bored).

Still, Thor was reluctant to just abandon Asgard. It did feel like he would be running away, and that didn’t sit well with him. What he really wanted was for his father to send him to Midgard as he’d done before, so that Thor would have an excuse to go that wouldn’t sound like he was avoiding his problems (even though, in truth, he was).

So he waited a few more weeks, hoping for a chance to either do something productive or figure out a way to make his father send him off (unlikely – that kind of thing was Loki’s talent, not his). Odin, however, remained stiff and impatient with Thor, and seemed to spend his days going over everything he’d done in the last few years as if he couldn’t remember why he’d done any of it.

“Father,” Thor said when he couldn’t take it anymore. He had waited outside the council room to catch his father alone.

“What?” Odin asked in the same irritated tone he had been using for months – and not just with Thor. No one, not even Heimdall, seemed to have escaped it.

“I was wondering… Is there something you need me to do?” _Anything_ , Thor thought. Even going on diplomatic missions would be better than sitting idly with his thoughts and loneliness.

Odin gave him a searching and calculating look that made Thor quite uncomfortable. Before his exile, he had never been afraid of his father, not really. There had been other occasions in which Odin had been furious with him for some reason or another, but never like that day (though, in fairness, he’d never started a war before). Since then, it felt like Odin was constantly on the brink of another explosion. In the years Loki had been incarcerated, Odin’s short temper had been somewhat mitigated by Frigga. After her death, grief seemed to have been the prevalent emotion. But now he was back to anger. It made Thor uneasy in a way that he could not define or express. It made him scared.

“I have no need of you now,” was the response Thor got. Another dismissal.

Thor bowed his head and tried to hide his disappointment and hurt. He gathered his courage and spoke again. “If there is nothing, then I would like to request permission to go to Midgard. It would be good to check on our allies there.”

Odin scoffed and walked past Thor. “You may do as you wish, but be prepared to return immediately if I send for you.”

“Yes, father.”

Easier that he’d expected, yet it didn’t quite feel like a victory.

On the way to his chambers to pack his things for the trip, he ran into Sif and Volstagg.

“Ah, there you are, Thor,” Volstagg said. “We are going hunting in the northern plains and we thought you might like to go with us.”

Thor considered it for a moment, then decided to decline. These trips with his friends had done nothing to improve his mood so far, and he didn’t see how this one would be any better. He’d tried, but they only seemed to remind him of all that he’d lost, all that had irrevocably changed.

“I’m afraid that I must decline. I am bound for Midgard.” He almost said it was on his father’s request, but couldn’t quite bring himself to lie to his friends. It was not their fault Thor needed to escape Asgard for a while, and they did not deserve to be deceived.

Sif pursed her lips, a slight scowl on her face. The last time he had left for Midgard, Sif had asked if he was going because of Jane. Thor hadn’t really known what to tell her, and had left her to draw her own conclusions. When he’d returned, she had asked after Jane and had looked relieved once Thor had told her his relationship with the mortal was over.

“Then perhaps this time we might accompany you. We would like the chance to meet the warriors of Midgard you speak so highly of,” she said.

Volstagg nodded. “Aye, that would be interesting. It seems the king has no need of us at the moment.” Like Thor, his friends had not been given any new orders for several months.

“I will tell Fandral and Hogun so we can prepare,” Sif said without waiting for Thor’s response. Then she was gone, Volstagg right behind her.

Thor stood on the corridor alone, feeling incredibly tired. He wasn’t sure it was such a good idea to bring the others, yet now it was too late to tell them they couldn’t come. With a sigh, he continued on his way, a feeling of foreboding heavy in his stomach.

*****

Thor and his friends found themselves surrounded by people with guns as soon as the energy of the Bifrost dissipated. Sif, Fandral and Volstagg immediately drew their own weapons, but Thor gestured for them to sheath them again. He addressed the mortals.

“Greeting, friends.”

A man wearing a business suit like the one Man of Iron sometimes did came forward and the men with guns lowered their weapons. “Prince Thor?”

“Aye, it is I.” He did not recognize the man and the building behind him, the Avengers Compound, looked different. The feeling of dread returned.

“And your companions?” The man asked. Thor noticed that the guards remained wary, watching them all suspiciously.

“They are my friends. We mean you no harm.” When no one seemed any more relaxed, Thor continued. “Perhaps I could speak to my shield brothers, the Avengers?”

The man in the suit and the guards looked at each other. At a nod from the suit, a couple of the guards went back inside.

“I must ask you to surrender your weapons and wait while he contact… the Avengers.”

“Of course,” Thor replied, eyes on Sif, who looked like she was going to protest. She huffed and complied, the others doing the same.

“They will be returned when you leave,” the man said. He glanced at Mjolnir still in Thor’s hip with annoyance.

“I will place Mjolnir inside as we wait for my friends, have no fear.”

The man scowled and gestured for them to follow him.

Thor and his friends were escorted into the building, which did not seem as Thor remembered at all. He had only been there a few days after the battle against Ultron before returning to Asgard, yet he could tell that things had changed.

Another man in a suit appeared once they were seated in a kind of conference room. “My name is George Fields, I’m the coordinator of this facility. What is the purpose of your visit, Prince Thor?”

The sense of wrongness continued to increase and it was all Thor could do not to squirm in his chair in discomfort. Where were the Avengers? Why were these people here asking all these questions? This had never happened before.

“I am a friend of this realm,” he said, in as reassuring a tone as he could manage. Surely the people of Midgard knew that Thor was not a threat to them. “I have come to see my friends, the Avengers.”

Fields tilted his head slightly. “And your associates?”

“They are my friends. They wished to meet the mighty warriors of Midgard in person, as I have told them many tales of their strength and bravery.”

Before, it would not have occurred to Thor that having his friends along would be a problem, but now he realized it might not have been the best idea to bring the others uninvited. Thor was known to the Midgardians, yes; the others were not. He should have checked with the Avengers beforehand (he should not have allowed the others to come at all).

“I apologize for the… suddenness of our visit,” he said, trying to be diplomatic.

“So you are not here on official business?” Fields asked.

Thor hesitated, unsure what the best answer was. He knew now that saying he’d come because he wanted to would be… impolite. _One does not simply walk uninvited into another realm without a very specific reason, Thor_ , Odin had told him. _Even if they are our allies, you must remember to respect their boundaries and be polite_. Thor remembered thinking that sounded like something Loki would say (perhaps _had_ said, and Thor had ignored it). Then he remembered the reason he’d left Midgard in the first place. That would be a good excuse, wouldn’t it?

“I have… news… to share with the Avengers.” It did not quite answer the question, but it sounded better as a motive for the trip.

“I see. My people are contacting the Avengers now. You and your associates can wait here. I can have food and refreshments sent, if you want.”

Thor saw Volstagg lean forward eagerly and cut him off. “That will not be necessary, though we thank you for your kind offer.”

Fields nodded and took his leave, the guard who had been hovering discreetly in the background going with him. Thor heard the door lock and sighed. He did not know what was happening and he did not like it.

Sif shifted impatiently in her chair. “They took our weapons,” she muttered.

“So what?” Fandral replied, leaning back in his chair. “If they try to hurt us we are more than a match for them, weapons or no weapons.”

“We are not here to harm anyone,” Thor told the others firmly, well aware that they were likely being monitored. “The people of Midgard are our allies and under Asgard’s protection.”

“How long do you think we’ll have to wait?” Volstagg asked. “I thought you said this is where the Avengers live.”

Thor shook his head. “It was when I was last here. Things have obviously changed. No matter. I’m certain they will be here shortly.”

In the meantime, the feeling of discomfort only grew. Thor was beginning to regret the whole idea.

He did not know how long they waited. After a few minutes Thor started to recount some of the Avengers’ battles as a way to pass the time and ease his anxiety, even though his friends had heard them all before. Storytelling was a soothing pastime, and Thor found himself relaxing as he spoke. Perhaps he was being paranoid and there was nothing amiss. He had almost convinced himself of that when the door opened once again.

Thor was immediately on his feet, a smile ready to greet his friends. He faltered only slightly when he saw only Stark and Banner.

“My friends!” He boomed, trying to subtly look past them in search of the others.

“Thor,” Stark replied. He did not smile, and neither did Banner. Thor’s unease returned with a vengeance.

“My friends, is there something wrong? Where are the Captain, Lady Natasha and Barton?”

Stark ignored the question, waving a hand at the other Asgardians. “I see you’ve brought guests. Care to introduce us?”

Thor frowned, then motioned his companions forward. “These are the Warriors Three: Fandral, Volstagg and Hogun. And Lady Sif.” He pointed at each in turn and they nodded in greeting. Then he turned to the Avengers. “Anthony Stark, the Man of Iron, and Bruce Banner, the Hulk.”

Stark and Banner’s expressions remained neutral, though they responded politely.

“Fields said you have information for us?” Stark asked.

“I… Yes. But… Where are the others? I would like to see them.”

“I’m afraid that won’t be possible. A lot has happened since you left, Thor. The others are no longer Avengers.”

“Are they… Have they…?” Thor’s stomach dropped at the thought that they might be dead.

“No, they’re alive. But they are in prison.”

Thought of his fallen comrades were interrupted at Stark’s words sunk in. “Prison? What do you mean?” It could not be.

“Yeah. They got stupid, committed a bunch of crimes and ended up in prison.” Stark didn’t seem concerned with the fate of his friends. Thor didn’t understand.

“Surely it was a mistake,” he said, sounding uncertain. “I cannot believe they would do such things.”

Stark shrugged. “Well, they did. They got caught, had their trials and were convicted. There’s a new team now, and a bunch of other things I don’t need to get into now. Point is, if you’ve got something to say, we’re here to listen.”

Thor glanced at his fellow Asgardians, feeling very much out of his depth. He wished Loki was here to help him deal with all this.

Everything had changed in Midgard too. Thor was just as lost here as he’d been in Asgard. He had hoped to speak to his friends and settle his heart and mind after the upheaval of the last few years, and now that seemed impossible. In fact, there seemed to be even more upheaval coming his way.

He had never been as close to Stark and Banner as he had the others. Both of them were more men of learning than proper warriors – Stark in particular had always reminded him of Loki, which made being around him for long rather unsettling. Banner, for his part, had been reserved and quiet, constantly worried about his berserker self. Neither were the friends Thor had wished to see.

“I… It is nothing overtly important.”

“Is it about the Infinity Stones?” Banner asked. “That was why you left, wasn’t it?”

Thor now remembered that Banner hadn’t been there, having disappeared after the battle in Sokovia. Thor had not understood why, though he assumed that the man would return eventually.

“Ah… yes. I have confirmed that the Aether remains protected, as is another one, though I know not which it is. I was unable to find much about the others.”

“The Tesseract is still in Asgard’s vault?” Stark inquired.

“Yes, of course.”

“Good. So, as far as you know, they’re all safe somewhere.”

“Yes, as I said. There are two still unaccounted for, however.”

“I see.” Stark stepped a bit further into the room, glancing somewhat suspiciously at Sif and the Three. “So, how are things in Asgard?”

“All is well,” Thor replied, though he was not entirely sure of that. He was not sure of anything anymore.

“Odin is fine? No attacks by anyone?”

“Odin is indeed well,” Thor hoped, at least. “And there is peace throughout the Nine.”

“Good to know.”

An uncomfortable silence descended. Thor fidgeted nervously, wondering what to do next. Nothing was going according to plan.

“Well, the Accords Panel will probably want to talk to you,” Stark finally said, and Thor frowned in confusion. “Right,” he continued. “As I said, a lot has changed. The Avengers answer to the people of Earth now. There’s a Council, and they deal with alien stuff.”

That, at least, seemed familiar. Thor had spent quite some time listening in on Asgard’s Council. It had been tedious, but at least Thor now knew how those things worked.

“I see. I will be happy to do so, then.”

“Good. I’ll set it up. In the meantime, we’ll find somewhere for you and your… friends… to stay.”

“I thank you for your hospitality.”

Stark nodded. “I have some stuff to do. Bruce will keep you company and answer your questions. I’ll be by later to take you to your accommodations.” He glanced politely at everyone and left, his phone already in his hands.

Thor turned to Banner and gave him what he hoped was a welcoming smile, but Banner’s neutral expression didn’t change.

“Please have a seat,” Banner said, making himself comfortable in one of the chairs.

Thor did as he was told, as did his companions, though they were as wary as he was. Bringing them had been a mistake, and he would try to send them back at the first opportunity.

“So why are the Captain and the others in jail?” It still seemed hard to believe. They were good warriors, defenders of their people. How could that be? “What of the new members that joined before I left?”

“Vision is still an Avenger. Wilson is in jail and Maximoff is dead.” Bruce then explained what had happened to divide the team.

“I don’t understand,” Thor said. “Why would Steve defy your world leaders?”

Banner snorted. “Because he is an arrogant selfish ass who only thinks of himself.” Thor couldn’t help flinch a little. His father had said something similar before banishing him. “He has no idea how the world works, thought he could just do whatever he wanted without thinking about the consequences to other people.” Again the words hit a little too close to home. “His friend and his need to be a hero were more important than anything else, and he dragged the others down with him, since they didn’t have the sense to realize they were being stupid.” Banner’s tone was angry and the words harsh, and reminded Thor of his father that day at the Bifrost.

He had found something of a kindred spirit in Steve, a worthy warrior who fought for his people. It was unsettling to realize they had some flaws in common as well.

There was more, however. Banner went on to say how Steve had kept a secret he had no right to keep, and almost killed Stark when the truth had been revealed.

Thor remembered his mother telling him about the terrible secret she and Odin had kept from Loki (and Thor), and how badly Loki had reacted when he’d finally learned about his origins. She had cried as she told him that Loki should not have had to find out like that, and that she should have supported him more in the aftermath.

“It is our fault he’s gone,” she’d said. “He thought we betrayed him.”

Later, when he’d had some time to digest that piece of news, Thor realized he should not have attacked Loki. That Loki was hurting and lashing out, and Thor should have tried to help, to listen. He had never been good at listening. It seemed Steve wasn’t either.

Banner spoke of the rogue Avengers’ capture, trials and eventual conviction. Thor wondered how it all could have gone so wrong so quickly (yet he knew how the world could spiral out of control in the span of a heartbeat).

“We have new people now on the Avengers. Besides myself, Tony, Rhodey and Vision there is Hope van Dyne, codename the Wasp, and Doctor Stephen Stranger, the Sorcerer Supreme.”

“A magic user?” Thor asked in surprise. There had been the Maximoff woman, but she got her powers from the Mind Stone, as far as Thor had understood it (though of course he didn’t really know much about magic).

Beside him, he heard Sif scoff. Banner immediately turned to her. “Strange is a skilled sorcerer and a valued member of the team. His abilities are very useful.”

Sif scowled. “A real man fight with real strength, not magic tricks.”

Banner narrowed his eyes. “That might be so in Asgard, which is stupid by the way, but here strength without intellect is meaningless. Hitting someone hard is _not_ what we consider most important. And there is nothing dishonorable about using the talents one has to get things done.”

Thor squirmed a bit, feeling that those words were directed at him, even though Banner was glaring at Sif. He thought of Loki and all the times he or the others had mocked his brother’s magic. He wished he’d had the opportunity to tell Loki he was sorry for all the hurtful things he’d said. But now it was too late, of course.

Sif straightened and Thor sent her a warning look. She subsided, still visibly annoyed.

“We have sorcerers of our own now,” Banner continued, deliberately looking away from Sif.

“I was unaware that mortals could do magic,” Fandral said in a cautious, curious tone.

“I reckon there is a lot about us you don’t know. And we prefer ‘humans’, not ‘mortals’. It sounds a lot less like you have a superiority complex.”

Once again Sif shifted in her seat, though his time she held her tongue.

“Fandral meant no disrespect,” Thor said.

“Perhaps not, but it’s hard to feel respected when we’re called ‘goats’ by your people.”

Thor winced. Jane must have told them about that. “I apologize for that. It was an… unfortunate choice of words.”

Banner didn’t seem convinced, and Thor couldn’t blame him. “Anyway, we have new people. A new team. A _better_ team.”

And Thor wasn’t a part of it. He wasn’t sure he would ever be again.

It should not have bothered him that much. Humans were short-lived. No matter what, the Avengers he knew would not have lasted long, not for someone like him. Still, he had found something with them that he was loathe to lose. Yet lose it he would – already had, apparently. The little family he’d made in Midgard had crumbled completely. First Jane – and by extension Darcy and Selvig – and now the Avengers. The first he had at least managed to say good-bye to, the latter had simply disappeared while he wasn’t looking. It hurt.

“I… It’s good to know that Midgard still has warriors to defend it.”

“We’re not exactly warriors, but whatever. In any case, yes, it is, because we are going to need them. We have reason to believe we will be invaded again soon.”

Thor frowned. “Why? I was under the impression that the Man of Iron had destroyed the Chitauri fleet.” And with Loki dead too… what did they have to fear?

“That might be so, but we now know that it wasn’t really Loki behind the invasion, and the guy who was pulling his strings is still out there, gunning for us.”

“What… What are talking about?” Thor asked, heart suddenly hammering in his chest.

Banner gave him a pitying look. “Loki was not responsible for the invasion. He was controlled by someone else. Kinda like Barton was.”

No. No, that couldn’t be…

“You don’t know Loki,” Sif interjected. “He is guilty. The Allfather himself pronounced him so.”

“Be silent!” Thor hissed at her, trying to keep his emotions under control. He turned to Banner. “What makes you think so? What proof do you have?” Could it be true? Why hadn’t Loki _said_ anything?

“His eyes glowed blue just like Bartons and Selvig’s when he first came through the portal. We have recovered the surveillance footage from the SHIELD base, and it’s pretty clear. After the Hulk beat him into the ground, his eyes went back to green. A hard blow to the head was also used to get Barton and Selvig back to themselves. Plus, you told us how smart Loki was, and the invasion was anything but.”

Thor thought back to that time, trying to remember the color of Loki’s eyes. It had been dark the first time he’d seen his brother near that forest. Later, at SHIELD’s flying fortress, Thor had not paid attention. Same for the actual battle against the Chitauri fleet. Could he have missed it? He had been so angry…

“How… How certain are you of this?” Fandral asked, watching Thor warily.

“Pretty certain. We have the tape if you want to see for yourselves.”

“Yes, I do,” Thor answered immediately.

“What difference will this make?” Sif said. “Even if the mortal is right, Loki is dead.”

This time Thor exploded. “I said be silent!” he shouted. “Loki was my brother, and if he was innocent, it matters a great deal.” He narrowed his eyes at her. “You will not disrespect his memory in my presence!”

“I only meant–”

“I do not care! I do not want to hear any more from you.” He turned back to Banner. “I would very much like to see this tape.”

Banner nodded. “I’ll arrange it.”

“And what makes you think that the person who… controlled Loki… will come again?” It was Volstagg who spoke this time. He seemed just as confused as Thor felt.

“A few reasons. One, we had another person sent by this guy who pretty much told us so. Two, we know this guy is after the Infinity Stones, and he knows we have one.”

Thor’s mind was still reeling from the fact that Loki might have been innocent. And he’d been imprisoned all the same. How? How could Odin have allowed it? And how could Thor not have seen it?

He remembered the harsh words he had spoken to Loki after Frigga’s death, and the threats he and his friends had made against him, warning Loki about betraying them. But if Loki was truly innocent, then it was _Thor_ who had betrayed him by not doing anything to help.

“He never said… He never said anything…”

“Would you have listened if he had?”

It was only after Banner spoke that Thor realized he had voiced that thought aloud.

“Of course I would have!” he exclaimed, only to falter at Banner’s skeptical expression. Would he? Or would he have assumed that it was another one of Loki’s tricks and lies?

“The Allfather found him guilty,” Volstagg said.

“Ah yes,” Banner said, supremely unimpressed. “Was there a trial? Were there witnessed called? Was there an investigation? Was Loki allowed to present a defense? Or was he just convicted without any of that?”

Thor opened his mouth to say Odin knew what he was doing, but the words refused to come out. Had he? Banner was right; Loki had been convicted before he’d even set foot back in Asgard. And aside from Frigga, no one had spoken in his defense. Loki could have said something, but would anyone have even cared? Even after Loki’s death – a heroic one – there didn’t seem to be much good will towards him in Asgard. What chance would he have had if the people were already biased against him? The news of his true heritage had spread like wildfire and people saw it as a reason for why Loki had always been untrustworthy.

“He was guilty of other crimes,” Sif said. “He tried to kill Thor. He committed treason.”

“Treason?” Banner asked. There was something dark in his expression, as if the other guy was just itching to come out.

“Yes. He let the Frost Giants into the vault because he was jealous of Thor and wanted the crown for himself.”

“Is that so?” Banner asked, addressing Thor.

Thor lowered his head. “Yes, but he was right. I was not ready to be king.” _I’m still not_.

“It does not matter, it’s still treason,” Sif insisted.

“Hmm… So going against the crown is always treason, no matter what? As I understand it, after Thor was banished, Loki took the throne because he was next in line.”

“He stole the throne!”

“No, he did not,” Thor interjected. “Mother gave him Gungnir because, as Banner said, he was next in line.”

“So he was rightfully king.”

“A Frost Giant as king? Never!” Sif hissed.

“Ah, but you didn’t know that at the time, did you? No one did.” Banner remained unperturbed, but the glint in his eyes intensified. “Well, except the Queen. Are you saying you disagree with the Queen’s decision?” When Sif didn’t answer, he went on. “So, again, Loki was the rightful king. And yet you” he indicated Sif and the Warriors Three “disobeyed the king’s command – both Odin’s and Loki’s – to come to Midgard after Thor. Isn’t that treason too, by your own definition?”

Sif growled and reached for a weapon that wasn’t there. Fandral and Volstagg lowered their heads a bit as if in shame. Hogun looked away.

It had not occurred to Thor until now that his friends’ actions could be seen as treason, but he had to admit that Banner’s words made sense.

Sif, however, didn’t think so. “Have a care how you speak, mortal.”

Banner smiled. “Or what? You’ll attack me? I’ll warn you that it won’t end well for you. And anyway, I’m only stating facts. It’s not my fault that they don’t put you in a good light.”

“I am not–”

“Enough!” Thor roared and Sif backed down immediately. “I have warned you, Sif. Banner speaks true. If you defied Odin and Loki’s orders, that _is_ treason, regardless of your intentions.”

“My Prince, I would never–”

“I said enough! I will hear no more of you.” Thor stood abruptly. “I… I must… I would like to be alone.”

Sif looked as if she wanted to speak again, but Fandral took her arm, shaking his head at her. “Of course, my prince.” He looked at Banner. “Is there somewhere we might stay for a while?”

Banner nodded, still looking at Sif with contempt. “Follow me.”

Thor paced restlessly for several minutes, trying to make sense of everything he’d learned in the last hour.

He had been wrong about Loki, about the reason for his actions. He had believed Loki’s attack on Midgard had been done out of jealousy and anger, had believed that _Thor_ had been the target of his hatred. If what Banner said was true (and he had no reason to lie, no reason to defend Loki), then the invasion had had nothing to do with Thor at all. Loki had been hurting, alone and scared, and Thor had turned away from him. Humans had noticed Loki wasn’t himself when his own brother (and it mattered not that they were not blood kin) had not. Norns, Loki must have hated him in the end. All of them. All of Asgard (save Frigga, perhaps) had turned their backs on him.

And his friends… they had defied their rightful king purposefully and deliberately – and had suffered no consequences. How could that be? And why had Thor never thought about any of this before?

He had come to Midgard to find peace, to regain his equilibrium, and had gotten the exact opposite. Instead of reassurance, he now had even more questions and doubts, and no idea how to deal with any of it.

He was still completely lost. And he hated it.


	2. Not alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains a flashback. There were a few more things I wanted to explore about Loki working on his issues that didn’t fit into Journey of Discovery, so I’m doing it now. Then we’ll get back to the present-day action.

Loki had been in Midgard (Earth, he should refer to it as the humans did, if it was to be his new home) for several months now. The beginning had been tense and fraught with fear and worry. Now, however, he was almost happy.

He had eventually come clean about the fact that he had been masquerading as Odin in Asgard. It hadn’t felt right to keep withholding that information from the Avengers when they had gone to such lengths to be kind and trust him. Plus, they didn’t have a very high opinion of Odin, so he figured they wouldn’t care all that much. Mostly they had been worried about what Odin was likely to do after waking up. Loki honestly had no idea, but as the months had passed and nothing happened – no delegation from Asgard showed up to demand his return (assuming Odin would even think that Loki was on Earth) – he had begun to relax. Telling the truth was also useful in the sense that he could be completely forthcoming about the plans he’d made preparing the rest of the Nine. It would not be fair to let the humans think they would be alone in the fight against Thanos.

It was refreshing to discuss strategy with people who understood the necessity of intel, diplomacy and patience to achieve one’s goal, rather than just showing up to beat the crap out of one’s opponent. It was also great not to be questioned with suspicion and derision for everything he said.

There had also been a lot of… emotional confrontations… with his own biases and issues. With Tony’s (and his therapist’s) encouragement, Loki had finally taken up Bruce’s offer to explore his Jotun form. It had not been easy.

/////\\\\\\\\\ * /////\\\\\\\\\

“So you’re saying that you’ve never actually looked at yourself in your original form?” Tony asked.

They were in the lab, going over the data from the Infinity Stones for the millionth time, which had somehow turned into a discussion of the Nine Realms and the Jotnar.

Loki shook his head. He now knew, intellectually at least, that the Jotnar were a race like any other, likely with good and bad people, but he still couldn’t quite think of himself as one.

Banner gave him an encouraging look. “Have you given any more thought to the idea of finding out more about it?”

It had been a few months since that conversation, and Loki had made some progress in accepting his origins (or so Dr Hamad kept telling him). He wasn’t sure he was ready for _that_ , however.

“I… I know that I should not… That what I know about the Jotnar isn’t true. Yet…” he trailed off, not sure how to put his feelings into words.

“Not really ready to see it?”

“No.”

Banner nodded. “I understand. But maybe we can start small and build from there.”

“I don’t even know how to change,” Loki said. It was true. The one and only time he’d done so was when he had held the Casket of Ancient Winters. It had not been a conscious decision, it had just happened. He still had it safely stored in a pocket dimension, but he didn’t want to get it. In truth, the small taste of its power he’d gotten had frightened him, and he’d just as soon not touch it again – at least not until he was ready to return it to its rightful owners.

“Is it… what? Like an enchantment?” Tony asked.

“Yes. No. I… I don’t know. I’ve been this way my whole life, I’ve never voluntarily changed. And I don’t know how I’d change back if I did.” Which scared him even more. What if he got stuck as a Jotun? He shuddered.

“But you can shapeshift,” Tony continued. “You’ve told us about that. Wouldn’t this just be like that?”

“I don’t know. I… I’ve never tried it.” He had, in fact, tried very hard _not_ to think about it at all, about what was lurking just under his skin.

The two humans looked at him, a mixture of curiosity and sympathy on their faces. Loki had no idea what to do with that.

“In any case, I would need my magic to change, and these” he raised his arms to make the bracelets visible “prevent me from accessing it.”

Tony tilted his head, eyes narrowed. “We can take them off, or at least modify the spell to make it possible. And by ‘we’ I mean Strange, of course. Bottom line, that’s not a valid excuse.”

“Tony, leave him be,” Bruce said when Loki fidgeted uncomfortably under Tony’s scrutiny.

“Yeah, I don’t think so. I know all about how denial works, Green Bean. Sometimes you gotta dive in head first or you’ll be staring at the water forever, afraid to get wet.” Still, he dropped it for the moment.

Later, Loki spoke with Dr Hamad about it, who agreed that there was no problem with waiting until he felt ready. Tony, however, kept giving him challenging looks whenever they were together until Loki started to get angry.

“Do you think me a coward?” he asked after enduring as much as he could.

“No.”

Loki waited for him to elaborate, but Tony said nothing more.

“Then why do you insist on this?”

“Look, you’ve spent your whole life believing the Jotnar are evil. That’s… how many years? A lot. And given your long life, it could be literally centuries until you’re ready. The rest of us will be long gone by then, and we won’t be able to help.”

That fact had not occurred to Loki, and he really wished it hadn’t been brought up now. The idea that his friends (and yes, they were his friends now) would be gone in a blink of an eye was, frankly, terrifying.

“Also, Thanos could be here at any moment, and you need to be at your best. Didn’t you say the Jotnar have powers? That could be useful, especially if Thanos doesn’t know about them. Ace up your sleeve and all that.”

As usual, Tony made a good point – and it was something else Loki had not thought about. He really used to be sharper than this…

“Besides, the longer you wait the more time you’ll have to freak out and over think it. Better to just get it over with, like ripping out a band-aid.” His expression softened. “You won’t be alone, Loki. And, really, it will change nothing for us. You are who you are, what you look like makes no difference.”

After a few more days thinking about it, Loki decided Tony was right. Delaying it would not make it easier, and Loki was tired of being afraid of his own skin. He was Jotun, and there was nothing wrong with that except for Asgard’s prejudices.

He asked Tony, Bruce and Dr Hamad to be present for what humans called ‘moral support’. Strange was also there, as he was needed to loosen the spell on the bracelets to allow Loki to use his magic a little. Tony said that if it was up to him, they would remove the bindings altogether, but it was the Panel’s decision and he could not go against it. Just because the Avengers had come to trust Loki, it didn’t mean the rest of the world was ready to do the same.

Loki stood restlessly in a cleared out section of the lab as Strange worked on the bracelet’s magic. Over the months Loki had worn them, he had grown used to them – and he was still quite sure that he could break out of them on his own if he really tried it – so it felt odd when the parameters of the spell changed and Loki could feel his magic closer to the surface. He closed his eyes for a moment and just reveled in that feeling.

“How does it feel?” Strange asked.

“Much better,” he said, then realized that might not sound very good. “I mean, I can feel my magic more.”

“Wait, did this hurt?” Tony asked, a bit alarmed.

“Not hurt, exactly,” Loki answered, touched by the concern. “It’s like… being able to shed an uncomfortable pair of shoes.”

“So it’s a discomfort, not pain,” Bruce said, and Loki nodded.

“Still,” Tony continued, “we should do something about that.”

“Do not worry about it, Tony. I agreed to these terms. It is a small price to pay for your assistance and protection. And it is only temporary.” He would have thought about it very differently if it were permanent, but one human year was hardly very long; half of it was gone already.

“Fine. Okay then.” He took a breath, sitting at the desk to monitor the reading he’d be getting. “Shall we?”

Loki swallowed hard and gave a short nod. He could do this. It was no big deal. No one would care.

It was going to be fine.

“Try to relax, Loki,” Dr Hamad said. “Visualize something that soothes you and keep that in your mind. Take your time, there is no hurry.”

Loki closed his eyes again and thought about team dinners with the Avengers and the Starks. He thought about laughing with them, or discussing magical theory. He thought about watching movies with Tony, about debating the merits of whatever new food item he’d stumbled across with Bruce and Hope. He thought about Jarvis and his quiet reassurances when Loki woke from a nightmare, so that he didn’t feel alone. There were actually a lot of good moments to choose from in the last few months. He shied away from everything that had come before and focused on the now, on being a part of this group.

After a while, he felt relaxed enough to begin prodding at the Jotun core of him that he now knew was there. He tried to remember what it had felt like when he’d transformed before. Not the horror of what it meant, but the physical sensation. It wasn’t very easy to separate the two, however, and he had to go back to his soothing thoughts a few times to keep from freaking out. He could just faintly hear Dr Hamad and Tony softly encouraging him from where they were a little farther away (he had asked them to keep their distance in case something went wrong).

It was not the cold he’d expected that alerted him to the change having happened. He didn’t feel cold at all, he felt… energized. The air around him felt different, sharper. Sounds seemed more distinct; he could hear someone’s (he couldn’t tell whose) quiet intake of breath and the rustling of cloth as someone moved. Still, he did not open his eyes to see the others’ reactions (or himself) just yet. Instead, he tried to catalogue all the sensations from this new body, studying it as he would a new intriguing bit of magic.

Tentatively, he ran one hand over the other, feeling the rough skin and the raised markings that ended just at the wrists. He bent his fingers, curling his hands into fists, then opened them again. His nails were a bit too long and much harder, but overall it didn’t feel very different. Next he turned his attention to his breathing, the sensation of his chest rising and falling as he took slow measured breaths and let them out just as slowly. He thought his sense of smell was heightened, but that could just be because he was focusing on it now.

All in all, it did not feel as different as he had expected. (Why should it? He was still himself. And the Jotnar were not really that unlike Asgardians in general physiology.)

“Tony?” he asked, eyes still closed. It was cowardly, but he wasn’t sure he really wanted to see himself after all.

“Yeah?”

“Are you taking readings?”

“Yep. So far nothing really jumps out. I mean, different skin color aside, all that’s really different is the internal body temperature, which is lower than it was. And that’s not surprising for a race that lives in colder climate. We can take tissue samples to analyze it further if you want.”

“Yes, I suppose that would be… helpful.”

“Okay.”

He felt someone coming closer and took an instinctive step back.

“It’s just me, Loki,” Bruce said. “Do you not want me to get the sample?”

Loki hesitated. “A Frost Giant’s skin can burn.” He pulled his hands up to his chest. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“According to my readings, your skin isn’t nearly cold enough for that,” Tony interjected. “It should be fine. Besides, Bruce is wearing gloves. That’s standard procedure, by the way, it’s not that we’re grossed out or anything. ‘Cause we aren’t.”

“Dr Hamad?” Loki asked. Tony and Bruce had seen the Chitauri up close; for the doctor, this would be completely new. He might know, intellectually, that he was an alien, but it would be different seeing it like this.

“Yes, Loki?”

“What do you think?” It was difficult to tell what the others thought without being able to see them. He strained his ears to catch any sound of disgust they might make, yet he wasn’t sure he’d be able to detect it if there was. He was used to relying on visual cues to figure out people’s thoughts.

“You don’t look very difference, apart from, as Dr Stark said, the skin color.”

“So… not monstrous?”

“Of course not!” “No!” “No way!” The others all spoke at the same time, and they all sounded sincere. Loki managed to relax a little.

“You wanna open your eyes now?” Tony said.

Loki didn’t, really. Still, he figured he should. That was the point of this whole exercise, after all. It wouldn’t be that bad, he told himself. It would just be him… with blue skin. Not a monster.

He took another deep breath and opened his eyes. Then immediately closed them again as the bright lights of the lab seemed to burn into them.

“Loki?”

“Too bright.”

“J, dim the lights a bit, will you?”

“Of course. Lights to forty percent.”

“Ok, Lokes, try again.”

It was better. Loki blinked a bit and waited to adjust, then slowly turned to take in the lab. Despite the lights being dimmer, Loki could still see just fine, even if the colors seemed less defined. It was… odd, and he tried not to think about it.

He directed his attention to the holographic data of… his readings. He had seen Thor’s readings beforehand, as well as those of a regular human, so he could tell that, as Tony had said, there were few obvious surface differences; the bodies were all build in much the same way, though there were likely internal differences, as well as cellular ones. Once he was satisfied with that, he turned to the others.

Bruce was standing closest, as he had approached to take the samples. Tony was seated at his regular workstation, manipulating holograms in ways that were still incomprehensible to Loki. Bruce gave him an encouraging smile. Tony grinned and raised both hands with his thumbs up when Loki met his eyes. Loki smiled back tentatively, still a little nervous. Strange was standing further back, posture tense (Loki hoped it was because he was wary of Loki doing something nefarious with his magic rather than because he thought Loki was a freak. Strange dealt with magic, not aliens.) He didn’t say anything, so Loki quickly diverted his eyes, seeking out Dr Hamad.

“How do you feel?” the doctor asked. He really didn’t seem concerned by Loki’s appearance, and Loki relaxed further.

“I… I feel…” He wasn’t sure what he felt, to be honest. Tired, though he hadn’t actually done anything and this little bit of magic should not be enough to exhaust him so.

“Why don’t you have a seat?” Dr Hamad said, nudging a chair in his direction, which Loki gratefully sank into.

“See? All good, nothing to worry about.” Tony said, still smiling. “You’re a big Smurf. All you need is a white hat.”

Loki had no idea what a Smurf was, but knowing Tony it probably wasn’t an insult. Loki tried to smile back, though he wasn’t sure how successful he was.

“Is it okay if I get that sample now?” Bruce asked.

“Might as well.”

Bruce came closer and explained what he was going to do, showing him the needle and vials. He wasn’t thrilled at being treated like a child, but he didn’t say anything. The chatter served to distract him, so it wasn’t all that bad. Still, he turned away when Bruce actually got to it. He had never been squeamish, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to see that he had blue blood or something like that.

“Are you all right, Loki?” Dr Hamad asked again.

“Yes, I guess so.” Despite his fears, nothing terrible had happened so far. It would seem that he would be able to get through this without panicking.

“All done,” Bruce announced. He packed up his stuff and returned to his workstation. “It will be a few hours before we have any results, though.”

Loki nodded. He understood that learning about this body was important, yet he was still a little wary to be all that curious about it.

“So, do you feel any different?” Tony asked, coming closer.

“Yes, a little. Not as much as I thought I would.” He remembered it being different back in the vault, remembered being horrified and disgusted by the sight of his own hands. That was gone now (thank the Norns). His hands were no longer quite that unsettling. Of course, he only had a limited sight of himself; he could not see his own face.

“Ready for the big finale then?”

“What?”

Tony made a gesture encompassing all of Loki. “To meet yourself.”

“There is no mirror here,” he replied immediately. That was a comforting thought – if a rather cowardly one – until Tony gave him that ‘are you really that dumb’ look he usually reserved for people who were, in fact, dumb. Right, no doubt there were ways around that. “I… Do I have to?” He was well aware that he sounded like a child, but he couldn’t help it. Changing was one thing. Having to _see_ it… see himself… it was… something else.

“Come on, Lokes. It’s no big deal. Right, guys?”

Bruce nodded. Dr Hamad gave him an encouraging look. “You are doing quite well, Loki. There is nothing to worry about. We’re here if anything bad happens, though I don’t think it will.”

Before he could get too wrapped up in his own head, Loki gave Tony the go-ahead. A screen came to life next to him, from one of Jarvis’s cameras, no doubt.

And there it was. There _he_ was. A Frost Giant.

He couldn’t help it; he tensed and stood to take a step back – an instinctive reaction to seeing an enemy. _But it’s not an enemy_ , he told himself. _This is me_.

He had rarely seen a Frost Giant (Jotun – Frost Giant sounded like a racial slur according to Tony) in person. There had been depictions in books he read as a child, and there was the time before the coronation when he had convinced a few Jotnar to go into the vault. Then there had been their short trip to Jotunheim to confront the Giants and finally the time he had killed Laufey ( _don’t think about it, don’t think about it_ ). That was all. The other realms he had visited on a regular basis (even Midgard occasionally), but never Jotunheim. Seeing one now – himself – it was just as unsettling as he’d thought it would be.

His eyes were red, blood red. It looked alien on his face. It looked… unnatural. Monstrous. (It’s not. _Yes, it is_.)

Loki turned away, closing his eyes again and willing himself to change back immediately. He didn’t want to see this anymore.

“Loki?”

He shook his head, hunching in on himself.

Nothing was happening, though. He was still… He couldn’t go back.

“Loki. Loki, come on, buddy, calm down.”

“I can’t change back.” There was panic in his voice and that made it worse. “I can’t…”

“Take a deep breath,” Dr Hamad said. “You just need to calm yourself and you’ll be able to go back.”

He tried. He focused on breathing, and searched for his magic again. And still nothing happened.

“Hey, Loki.”

Loki flinched when he felt a hand on his arm and tucked his hands away. “Don’t touch me.”

“It’s okay. Nothing bad is going to happen,” Tony said. “You’re not gonna hurt me. Come on, just look at me for a moment.” Reluctantly, Loki opened his eyes again. Tony was standing close, concern in his eyes. “See? It’s okay.”

“I… I want to change back.”

“Yeah, okay. But why? You were doing fine, what happened?”

“You don’t…” Out of the corner of his eye he saw that the monitor showing the lab was still active and he shuddered. Tony frowned, then waved a hand and the image disappeared.

“Don’t what?”

“I don’t know.”

“Perhaps you could lie down for a moment, regain you equilibrium,” Dr Hamad suggested.

“Yes, that sounds good. What do you say, Lokes? Come on.”

Tony took him by the arm and steered him to the couch, sitting down next to him without a care in the world, as if there was nothing out of the ordinary.

Dr Hamad offered him a glass of water and Loki took it, fumbling a little with the long nails (they looked more like claws now… _no, don’t think about it_ ). “Take your time.”

It was not quite a panic attack, but it was uncomfortably close.

After a few more moments, he felt a bit better.

“Can you tell us what happened?” Dr Hamad asked.

“I…” _I saw a monster_ was probably not the best thing to say, though Loki really didn’t know how else to explain it. His hands were still infuriatingly blue in front of him, but they didn’t bother him as much for some reason.

“You haven’t seen a lot of Jotun, have you?” Tony asked and Loki shook his head.

“You still look like you, Loki,” Bruce said. He had keep his distance while Loki was freaking out and only now came closer. “You _are_ still you.”

“I know that.” Did he? He wasn’t sure.

“Was there anything in particular that upset you?” the doctor asked.

They were all looking at him, and they had been looking at him the whole time, since he’d changed. Even when Loki had his eyes closed, even before Loki could see himself, they had seen him. He watched them now – watched them out of alien red eyes – and there was no fear or disgust in their expressions.

“You don’t… you don’t mind?”

Tony frowned. “Mind what?”

“The… the eyes.” There, he’d said it.

Tony didn’t break eye contact at all. “No, why should I?” He grinned. “Red’s my favorite color.”

“But it’s… weird.”

“It’s different, not weird. Besides, so what? You’re not human, why should you look like a human? I bet if a Jotun saw me, they’d think _I_ was weird with all this non-blue, smooth skin I’ve got going.” Yes, that made sense. He gestured at himself. “Not to mention being so small. They’d probably go ‘wow, humans are tiny and odd’. Might even think we’re ugly with our creepy whitish eyes.”

“It’s a matter of perspective,” Bruce added.

Loki nodded. They were right, he shouldn’t let Asgard’s prejudices inform his opinion anymore, he knew better.

“We understand it’s not easy, Loki,” Dr Hamad said. “It’s not a simple thing to overcome years of bias. Just remember that there is no objective value on appearance, there is no right or wrong way to be.”

“I’ll try.” He still wanted to change back, though.

“Well, I think we’ve done enough for one day,” Dr Hamad continued. “We can revisit this at another time.”

Tony agreed. “Yeah, I think we’ve got all the readings we need for the moment.”

“Ok, now take a deep breath and relax. Close your eyes and focus inward. Visualize your regular appearance if it helps. Just take it slow and you’ll make it happen.”

Loki did as instructed. Being calmer now, it was much easier to find his magic and reverse the change. There was relief in seeing his own hands again, but he also felt strangely… itchy, and he had no idea what to make of it.

He was, however, rather proud of himself for getting through it, for taking another step towards a healthier frame of mind. And it was good to have friends beside him to support and encourage him.

/////\\\\\\\\\ * /////\\\\\\\\\

Loki had taken Jotun form twice more after that, and each time had been easier. He no longer panicked at the sight of his red eyes, and the change back and forth came more smoothly. It would be a bit of an exaggeration to say he was completely comfortable with it, but he was starting to believe he would get there eventually.

Learning more about the Jotnar was a challenge, however, since he had so little to go with aside from his sample of one (and there was no guarantee he was a typical Jotun, not if Odin’s claim of him being a runt was true) and Asgard’s toxic teachings. Tony and Bruce didn’t let that stop them speculating, though, and it was interesting listening to their theories. Some were purposefully outrageous to make Loki laugh, and Loki really appreciated the attempt to make the whole thing easier.

All in all, things were going quite well for him, which was why he was not surprised when the other shoe seemed to finally drop. Thor was back.

He was in Tony’s penthouse apartment with the Starks. Lady Stark had invited him to get his opinion on a new recipe, since all she could ever get out of Tony and Howard was “it’s good” and she wanted a rather more refined feedback – and Loki was only too happy to oblige.

They were all relaxing after an excellent lunch when Jarvis made the announcement that made Loki’s blood run cold.

“Sir, it appears that Thor has returned.”

Tony sat up straight, turning to the window as if expecting Thor to come flying in. “Where is he?”

“At the Compound.”

Loki was frozen in place, heart racing. No, he didn’t want to go back. He couldn’t…

“Has he said what he wants?”

“I am unsure. The message was that Thor and four associates arrived and asked to speak to the Avengers. Director Fields is speaking to them now and will convey more information as he gains it.”

“Okay. Okay, let the others know. And the Panel.”

Loki was only partially listening to the conversation, too busy trying not to panic. He had a deal with the people of Earth, he reminded himself over and over again, he wasn’t going to be handed over to Asgard.

“Loki? Calm down, honey,” Lady Stark said, smiling kindly at him. “It’s going to be all right. You’re safe here.”

“Yeah, don’t worry,” Tony agreed. “We’ll handle Thor.”

Loki nodded. Yes, it would be all right. There was nothing to worry. He had allies and friends here. It would be all right.

“Who has he brought?” If it was the Einherjar, that might mean trouble. Loki didn’t want his friends – or the people of Earth – in danger because of him.

“J? Do we have a visual of Thor’s buddies?”

“Indeed, Sir.”

A holographic screen activated to show them what looked like surveillance footage of the Compound. There was Thor wearing his usual armor and cape. Walking beside him were Sif and the Warriors Three and Loki wasn’t sure whether to be worried or relieved. On the one hand, Loki was sure that Odin would have sent the Einherjar if he meant to drag Loki back to Asgard. On the other, Thor’s friends were the last people in Asgard (aside from Thor) that Loki wanted to see. What if they managed to poison the Avengers against him? No, he was being paranoid. That wouldn’t happen. He’d told Tony and the others all that had happened after the coronation, and they’d been angry on Loki’s behalf.

“You know these guys, Lokes?” Tony asked.

“Yes, these are Thor’s friends, the ones I told you about.”

“Ah, the ass-kissing dickheads. Why do you think they’re here?”

“I don’t know. They do like to follow Thor around like puppies.” Loki shrugged, trying to act unconcerned. _Fake it ‘till you make it_ , Tony had told him, and it was a very apt description of much of Loki’s life.

“Well, I’d better go talk to Blondie and see what kind of mess we’re gonna be dealing with.”

“You shouldn’t go alone.” “You’ll have the others with you, right?” Loki and Mr Stark said almost at the same time.

“Ah, it’s so sweet that you guys care about me,” Tony replied with a cheeky smile.

“Sir, Dr Banner has volunteered to accompany you. Shall I tell him you’re on your way?”

“Sure.” He turned to Loki. “Just relax, okay? Thor isn’t setting foot in this Tower until I know what he’s here for, and maybe not even then.”

“Oh, I’d like to have a few words with him,” Lady Stark said, a dangerous glint in her eyes.

Loki remembered Tony saying months ago that he had just the right person to set Thor straight about his behavior. _Oh_ , he thought, only now putting it together. _Lady Stark, of course_. Then he snickered. _Oh, that will be glorious_. He’d be sure to ask Jarvis to show him the footage.

“Look at you all, plotting Thor’s doom. I like it,” Tony said, grin still firmly in place. “Ok, gotta go. See you later.”

Once Tony was gone, Loki didn’t know what to do with himself. Should he go back to his apartment and wait? He didn’t want to be alone, though.

As if reading his mind, Lady Stark gave him an encouraging smile. “Why don’t you stay here with us until this thing is sorted out?” she asked and Loki nodded gratefully.

“Jarvis, can you keep us updated on the situation?” Mr Stark asked, making himself comfortable on the couch as well.

“Certainly. Vision is on his way and will remain with Loki for now, as per the Accords Panel’s instructions.”

That made Loki feel more at ease, since it sounded like the Panel was worried about keeping him safe. They would honor their agreement. Loki wouldn’t be carted off to Asgard – or at least that was what he repeated to himself.

“Let’s watch a movie,” Lady Stark suggested. “Take our minds off things.”

Loki agreed just as Vision arrived, phasing up from the floor as he usually did.

Half way into the film (Loki was thankful for Jarvis’ choice, an animated movie about a boy befriending a dragon was indeed a good distraction), Jarvis interrupted to give them some news.

“Sir and Dr Banner have spoken to Thor. It does not appear as if his arrival has anything to do with Loki. He reports no issues in Asgard or with Odin. He has claimed to have simply come for a visit with the Avengers.”

“Then why are those others with him?” Mr Stark asked.

“They seem to have merely accompanied him. No mention has been made of Loki.”

Loki let out a breath and was finally able to truly relax. It had nothing to do with him. He wasn’t in danger. With a soft sigh, Loki closed his eyes and released the tension he hadn’t even realized had been keeping his body stiff and jumpy.

“Sir is on his way back, but Dr Banner has remained to attempt to gain more information and inform Thor of the changes in the Avengers.”

“Thanks for letting us know, Jarvis,” Lady Stark said.

The movie resumed playing, but Loki’s attention was only half on it. The rest of him was still riding the high of knowing he was safe and considering the implications of what he knew so far. Thor hadn’t come for him after all – probably still thought he was dead, if he’d made no mention of him to Tony and Bruce. Surely he would have informed his friends about it if he knew, to warn them about a possible danger. Odin must not have told him anything.

If Thor didn’t know, then would the Accords Panel want to tell him? Or would they just decide to let it go and pretend Loki wasn’t here? There were pros and cons for either decision, both for them and for Loki himself. As much as Loki didn’t want to see Thor again, there was a part of him that wanted to rub in Thor’s face how much better Loki was doing now that he had people _really_ in his corner. He wanted to show Thor how well he was _away_ from Asgard, away from Thor himself. It was petty, yes, but Loki figured he was allowed to be a little petty. He was allowed to be angry and hurt, or whatever other feelings he had. And if Thor didn’t like it, he could go fuck himself, as the human saying went.

The movie ended and Loki was once again at a loss for what to do. He stood awkwardly, prepared to say his goodbyes, but Vision immediately engaged him in a conversation about the Mind Stone and his exploration of it, drawing Mr Stark in as well.

Some time later, Tony came back.

“So,” he said, dropping into the couch and stretching his legs out. He addressed Loki. “Doesn’t look like Thor is any the wiser about your not-dead status, or about your impersonation of Odin. He’s confirmed that the Infinity Stones you told us about are still protected out there. The Panel wants to meet with him to discuss his possible cooperation against Thanos, but they don’t think it’s a good idea to have him and his buddies too close to the Tower at the moment. They’ll put them in a hotel for the moment. I hope he doesn’t wreck the place, ‘cause if he does the Panel will want him to pay for it, and that’s just gonna be a nightmare. If you have any tips on how to deal with them, we’d appreciate it.”

“So the Panel isn’t going to tell him about me?” Loki asked.

“I don’t know. They’re still deliberating on that. I guess it will depend on how his meeting with them go.” How diplomatic and non-threatening Thor showed himself to be, Loki deduced.

“Sif and the Three defer to Thor on everything, so if you can keep Thor in line, the others will follow suit. I would advise against having them in the meeting with the Panel, however. I doubt they’d have anything of value to add, and they aren’t particularly diplomatic. Moreover, since I don’t think the Panel will be as… reverent… to Thor as they are used to, they might cause trouble. As you know, Asgardians in general don’t have a very high opinion of people who are not them.”

Tony nodded. “Thanks, I’ll let them know.” Then he turned to one of the cameras. “J, how’s Bruce-bear doing? Does he need backup?”

Instead of Jarvis answering, a video call was activated and they could all see Bruce. “Hey, Tony. Loki.” He looked rather irritated, which didn’t surprise Loki. Dealing with Thor and his friends had always been an exercise in patience.

“Is there a problem?” Loki asked, anxiety returning slightly.

“No, not really. Just… I think we might have a bit of drama on our hands.”

“What do you mean?”

So Bruce told them about his conversation with Thor and Sif’s bigoted views. Again, Loki wasn’t surprised. Of the four, Sif had always been the one Loki had had the poorest relationship with. Fandral was usually more interested in conquests and himself, and occasionally was even fun to be around – he was a good storyteller, at least, and didn’t always aggrandize himself in them. He even seemed impressed by Loki’s magic at times. Volstagg could be as mocking and thoughtless as Thor about Loki’s contributions to their “adventures”, but on his own he was pretty harmless. Hogun rarely said anything, but Loki had always seen his silence as judging and distrustful, as if he was just waiting for Loki to betray them. Sif, however… Sif seemed to view Loki’s magic almost as a personal insult and made no secret of her feelings on the matter. She had always been the most critical and suspicious of Loki, quick to blame him for anything that went remotely wrong while at the same time rewriting history to make Thor the hero of the story. Loki had always suspected that she harbored more than friendly feelings for Thor, and saw Loki as a rival for his attention somehow.

“Yeah, those guys are assholes,” Tony commented.

Bruce nodded. “But Thor seemed to be thinking about things a bit differently, at least. There might be hope for him yet.”

Loki didn’t want to hope. He’d spent too much time hoping and being disappointed. Still, maybe… Maybe. He’d have to wait and see how Thor would handle the Panel and the Avengers hitting him with some hard truths.

It definitely felt good to have people on his side for once. Even if nothing got better with Thor, Loki still had his friends. He wasn’t alone. Not anymore.


	3. Babysitting gods

Tony left the Compound straight for the Tower to go talk to Loki about their guests, then spent the rest of the time with the Accords Panel trying to figure out what to do about this Thor situation. Most of the Panel was of the opinion that they should inform Thor of Loki’s presence and the deal they had made.

“It will be better for us to be upfront now, rather than letting him find out some other way and turn against us. We don’t need Asgard’s forces descending on our heads on top of Thanos,” the Italian representative had said.

Tony could certainly see his point. So far, they could truthfully argue that they’d had no way of communicating with Asgard. Now, however, keeping this a secret would be a deliberate choice, and one that could come back to bite them in the ass later. Also, from a moral standpoint, Thor had a right to know his brother wasn’t dead. He might have been a shitty brother, but Tony did believe he cared.

Of course, telling Thor had its own risks, which was why the Panel wanted to talk to him first – and why some of the Avengers would be standing by in case Thor went with the tried and true method of punching first and asking questions after the damage had already been done. A couple of the Panel members had even suggested putting Thor is a cell beforehand since he was, after all, technically trespassing. The majority had vetoed that idea, though. Despite Thor’s propensity towards violence, he had never maliciously attacked anyone (well, Hydra/SHIELD didn’t exactly count), and it would be very rude to just lock him up now when he hadn’t done anything other than show up uninvited.

After making sure Loki was gonna be okay (and leaving Strange to keep an eye on him just in case), Tony, Rhodey, Vision and Hope met Bruce at the Compound. Thor had paced for a while, then rejoined his friends to wait for the Avengers. There was, however, a great deal of tension between them now, according to Jarvis’s report. Tony could definitely feel it himself when he and the others arrived.

“Thor, I’d like you to meet the new Avengers. Hope van Dyne,” Thor bowed his head politely and Hope offered an equally polite nod. “And you remember Colonel Rhodes and Vision.”

Thor once again introduced his friends, though this time he seemed uncomfortable doing so – or being around them at all.

“Vision, Rhodey and Hope will escort you to the hotel the Panel has arranged for you,” Tony told the extras. “Thor, if you’ll come with me, the Panel has some things to discuss with you.”

Sif and two of the Three Stooges didn’t seem happy about that – only the blond one, Fandral, remained relaxed.

“Of course,” Thor agreed.

“My Prince,” Sif started, but Thor’s glare shut her up.

“I will meet with your Council and then we will return to Asgard. There are things I must attend to there.”

“Sure,” Tony replied easily, though he was sure Thor would change his mind about that once he was told about Loki.

“What about our weapons?” The big one – Volstagg – asked.

“They will be returned when you leave,” Hope answered, then gestured to the door. “This way, please.”

For a moment, Tony thought they were going to put up a fight. Then Fandral – the one Loki said was the least dickish of them – began to move.

“Following a beautiful woman is never a hardship,” he said, and Tony had to struggle to keep his eyes from rolling. Hope, for her part, did the sensible thing and ignored him completely. To Fandral’s credit, he didn’t take offense, going along amicably. The others followed, though Sif and Hogun (the quiet one Tony thought was kinda creepy) shot Tony and Bruce suspicious looks.

Before they left, however, Thor spoke. “My friends,” the word sounded strained, “I hope you will behave with courtesy towards our allies.” There was a clear warning in his voice, which surprised Tony. Looked like Thor had learned a few things since last time. Loki’s lessons in diplomacy had sunk in after all. “I shall join you shortly.”

The Stooges bowed and everyone left. Once they were out of sight, Thor deflated. “My friends. I…” Tony felt a bit bad for him. Thor looked completely lost, as if his whole world had crumbled – and Tony knew very well what that was like. “Was Loki truly innocent?”

Well, Loki had done quite a few horrible things. Tony liked him, but calling him ‘innocent’ was kinda stretching it. “He didn’t lead the invasion of his own free will,” Tony said diplomatically.

He took out his phone and had Jarvis project the footage from when Loki had arrived through the portal and then from after the Hulk was finished smashing him into the floor. At the time of the invasion, Tony had found that scene hilarious, which he was now ashamed of. Of course, then he’d barely managed to keep his planet from being overrun by aliens and had been pretty much on panic mode, but it was still a shitty thing to think. He wasn’t above petty revenge, but being Hulk-smashed was a little extreme, even if Loki had been mostly fine afterwards. (And, fuck it, that was unbelievable. Even a super soldier would have been paste.)

Thor watched it with a helpless expression on his face. “I never… I thought…” He hung his head. “I thought the worst of him.”

 _Yeah, you did_ , Tony thought. _And it seems that you friends still do_.

“I failed him, and now it’s too late.” Thor was the picture of misery, and Tony looked at Bruce helplessly.

“Come on, Thor. Let’s go talk to the Panel,” Bruce said, gently steering Thor out the door.

At least Tony was now pretty sure that Thor would be happy with the news of Loki’s continued existence. He might even agree to keep Odin in the dark about the whole thing if they could lay on the guilt, which would be helpful for everyone. There might also be some hope of reconciliation for the brothers after all, if Thor really could get his head out of his ass and put Asgard’s racist attitudes aside.

*****

The meeting took place in the same room where Loki had made his request for asylum. It was not the full Panel, not with the unexpectedness of Thor’s arrival, but there were enough representatives physically present to make it official.

Thor took in the room with a distracted air and sat where Bruce directed him. It was clear his mind was still on the footage he’d seen – and on Loki.

Tony made the introductions, then Ms Farnelli, the Panel’s chairwoman, explained what the Panel was and what they did. She formally requested an alliance against the coming threat while being very vague on the details. Thor readily agreed. No doubt he would love the chance to punch Thanos in the face once he learned what Loki had gone through by his (well, his lackeys’) hands.

“I would be happy to rejoin the Avengers,” Thor said, though his manner was definitely subdued. The old Thor would probably have made some grand proclamation or boasted of his victories; this one seemed like he wanted to be anywhere but here. He looked at Tony and Bruce sadly, and Tony couldn’t help think Thor would much prefer to have the others of the old team – the ones he had so much in common with.

“The process of admittance into the Avengers has changed, Mr Odinson,” Farnelli said. “Nevertheless, we are grateful for your offer.”

Thor frowned slightly, though he didn’t object. Tony wasn’t sure he was really paying that much attention to the proceedings.

After that the hard part began, the part that could end with Thor either really happy or really pissed off. Tony had a suit standing by and two Legionnaires waiting to escort the Panel members away if Thor got violent.

“There is something we must discuss with you, Mr Odinson,” Farnelli started, glancing at Tony to make sure he was ready to act. “Several months ago we received a visitor from Asgard. This individual came to us to offer information on the 2012 invasion in exchange for a deal of protection. The Panel deliberated and negotiated terms until a mutually satisfactory agreement was reached. The information provided has been invaluable to us in helping us prepare our defenses.”

Thor’s eyes had narrowed but so far he was listening. “And who was this… individual?”

It was Tony who answered. “Loki.”

In the blink of an eye Thor was on his feet facing Tony, and everyone in the room was on high alert. Tony activated his wrist gauntlet and stood as well, though he kept his arm down for now. On Thor’s other side, Bruce was also standing ready to transform.

“Explain,” Thor demanded, anger and a hint of uncertainty in his voice.

“Loki showed up out of the blue one day. He said he had information about the guy behind the invasion. We already knew he hadn’t been in his right mind thanks to the footage I showed you earlier, so we figured we should listen.”

“Loki… It can’t be. He’d dead.”

“No, he isn’t. He was injured in Svartalfheim, but he recovered. Tough bastard.”

Thor clenched his jaw. “Where is he? Where is my brother?”

“He’s somewhere safe.”

Thor took a step forward, fists balled at his side. “You lied to me.”

Tony continued to use the same calm tone. “No, we didn’t. Until you showed up today, we hadn’t seen you in years.”

“You should have told me immediately!” Thor’s voice rose alarmingly.

It might have been his imagination, but Tony thought he could hear the sound of thunder in the distance. _Here we go_.

“It was not my decision to make. It was the Panel’s, and here we are, telling you.”

“I am a Prince of Asgard! How could you keep this from me? Liar!”

Thor lunged forward and Tony shot him with a low-powered repulsor blast. It didn’t do any damage, just made Thor stumble backwards a bit. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the Panel members leaving through the back door and Jarvis’s Legionnaires ready to get them to safety.

“Calm the fuck down or you’ll get Hulk-smashed. We’ll see how _you_ like it.”

As expected, Thor didn’t listen. He tried to leap at Tony, but Hulk grabbed his cape and yanked hard, causing Thor to crash into the ground on his back. It was enough time for Tony to get fully suited up. While the Hulk roared at Thor, Tony readied both repulsors, pointing them straight at Thor’s chest, who slowly got up.

“I understand that you’re upset, Thor, but you need to calm down and start using your fucking words instead of throwing a tantrum like a spoiled child. If you keep this up, we _will_ fight back, and it won’t end well for you, I guarantee it.”

Thor was breathing hard, eyes still a bit wild, yet he made no further move to attack. Tony and Hulk waited, ready to take Thor down if they had to. Finally, Thor relaxed a bit. “You deceived me,” he said, less angry now.

“As I said, I answer to the Panel. I couldn’t tell you anything without their approval. And again, they decided to tell you as soon as possible, which is what we were trying to do before you went all caveman on us, endangering people.”

Thor looked around for the first time and realized the Panel was no longer there. “Where did the people go?”

“Where do you think?” Tony’s patience was wearing thin. “They got the hell out when you decided trying to beat us up was a reasonable response to the situation. It might have escaped your notice, but we humans are rather fragile compared to you guys. A punch from you and we’re _dead_.”

Thor winced a little at that. “I did not mean…”

“Yeah, well, a lack of intention doesn’t change the results. Learn to _talk_ like a civilized person.”

That got Thor’s hackles up again. “Have a care how you speak.”

“I’ll speak any damn way I want. You’re the one going straight to violence the second things don’t go your way.” Tony countered, getting annoyed. Thor really needed to learn to control his temper. He paused, faceplate coming up so he could look Thor in the eye. “You’re acting just like Rogers, and we’ve had enough of super powered people who think they have the right to do whatever they want.”

The mention of Rogers seemed to hit home somehow, and Thor deflated, slumping into the table to sit down again.

“Where is Loki?” he asked, now looking like a kicked puppy.

“Safe,” Tony repeated. Damned if he was gonna let Thor anywhere near Loki now, lost puppy look or not.

“Why didn’t he tell me?”

“Probably because he didn’t think you’d help him. You did promise to toss him back in a cell to rot for the rest of his life, didn’t you?”

Thor’s head snapped up. For a moment it looked like he was going to get angry again, but he just shook his head sadly.

“Yes, I did. I hardened my heart against him. I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought… I don’t know what I thought.”

“Puny god stupid,” Hulk said. Tony had to stifle a laugh.

“Now,” Tony got Thor’s attention back. “Are you going to listen without trying to attack us?”

“Yes.”

“Good.” Tony stepped out of the suit and sat down. He glanced at Hulk, who nodded and, with a last warning look at Thor, shrank back into Bruce. Once the transformation was complete and Bruce had gotten his bearings, he left to tell the Panel everything was under control.

“I… I apologize for my hasty reaction,” Thor said, and he did seem contrite now.

Tony inclined his head in acknowledgement, though he wasn’t willing to let Thor off the hook so easily. “An apology means nothing if you keep doing the same thing. This is not the first time you’ve reacted aggressively. You do it again and there will be consequences.”

It was clear that Thor didn’t care at all for being called out on his shit. Still, for the moment he swallowed his pride and said nothing.

Having established some important ground rules, Tony went back to the content of the meeting. He told Thor most of the story regarding Loki’s appearance and their deal, leaving out Loki’s current location and the fact that he’d spent a few years impersonating Odin. Obviously, Odin had kept that to himself, so Tony felt no need to enlighten Thor just yet.

Thor listened quietly this time, though his fists remained clenched on the table and he did not look pleased in the slightest.

“I would speak with my brother.” It sounded very much like an order, and Tony was having none of that.

“No,” he said. “Not now, at least,” he added before Thor flew into another rage.

“I have the right–”

“You have squat!” Tony snapped back. “You don’t give orders around here, you have zero authority. Loki made a deal for protection against Asgard” _against **you**_ went unsaid “and until we are satisfied that you aren’t gonna harm him, you won’t be going anywhere near him.”

Thor’s mouth opened and closed like a gapping fish. “How dare you–”

Fuck it, Tony was about to lose what little patience he had left. “Did you listen to word I just said? This isn’t Asgard. This is Earth, and we are the ones calling the shots here. Drop the attitude and start _listening_ and you might get what you want.” When it seemed like Thor still hadn’t gotten the picture, Tony continued. “I’ve had the opportunity to talk to Loki – and Jane Foster – and I gotta tell you, I’m not at all impressed by Asgard. You might think you’re god’s gift to the universe, but you’re not. You’re a bunch of arrogant, racist, sexist pricks and I’ll be damned if we’re gonna bow down to you. Grow the fuck up, Thor, and learn to deal with the world and people who are different from you like an adult. _Think_ before you start running your mouth, before you start punching people.”

Again, Thor was entirely speechless. From what Loki had said, Thor had rarely been scolded for his reckless and disrespectful behavior. The only time he’d really had to deal with the consequences of his actions had been when he’d almost restarted the war with Jotunheim over his wounded pride and thirst for glory (at least that was how Loki had put it, Tony figured there was probably more to it than that). One time was not enough to really make an impact, though, no matter how much Thor claimed to have changed afterwards. Of course, like with Loki, Tony couldn’t expect Thor to drop the mentality and habits of a lifetime (a lifetime that spanned centuries) in just a day, or even a few years. Still, they had to start somewhere. Since Odin and Asgard obviously had no interest in changing the status quo, it was up to the ‘lowly people of Midgard’ to knock some sense into Thor’s head.

Tony waited to see what Thor would do. From things Loki had said, Tony had begun to suspect that maturity worked differently in Asgard – or at least, they couldn’t think in terms of just years. Thor and Loki might be nearly a thousand years old, yet it seemed that they were quite young in relative terms. Perhaps the equivalent of early twenties, given that Thor had only recently been deemed of age to take the throne. Loki, despite being younger, was clearly the more mature of the two, not doubt as a result of _not_ being indulged at every turn and needing to defend himself from all kinds of prejudices. Tony was well aware how hard it could be to grow up when everyone around you was ready to kiss your ass all the time. It was one of the reasons he hated bootlickers and much preferred to deal with people who weren’t afraid to stand up for themselves. Pepper had always been efficient, but it was her unwillingness to take Tony’s crap that made her such an asset to have around, for both him and the company – and, eventually, why she had become a trusted friend.

All that meant that Tony was willing to be patient with Thor’s relative youth and inexperience, but only to a certain point.

“You… I would not hurt Loki,” Thor finally said. At least he seemed to be thinking now.

“You already have, by your own admission. You never bothered to find out what really happened with the invasion. You stood by and let Loki be thrown in jail without even hearing his side.” There was plenty more Tony could say on that subject, but he refrained. Now was not the moment. One step at a time.

Thor sighed and looked down. “You are right. I failed Loki. I thought the worst of him, condemned him without all the facts. I… I believed him a traitor. I was wrong.” And there was the kicked puppy look again.

 _God save me from Asgardian drama_ , Tony thought.

“So you don’t get to make demands now,” Tony said, and took some small satisfaction in the slightly embarrassed hunch of Thor’s shoulders. “Stop the macho posturing and listen.” He waited for Thor’s acquiescence before going on. “Loki asked for and was granted asylum here. If you really care about him, you’ll let that be and not tell Odin or your buddies about it.”

Thor opened his mouth to retort then closed it again. He was thinking. Good.

“I must… Father would want to know that Loki yet lives.”

“Pretty sure Odin already knows. But he probably doesn’t know where Loki is, and for your brother’s safety we should keep it that way.”

“No, that’s impossible.” Thor shook his head. “If father knew, he would have told me. He would have…”

“Would he really? He kept the truth about Loki’s parentage from both of you for centuries, so he clearly has no problems keeping secrets.”

There was nothing Thor could say to that. He took a deep breath and released it. “I have acted in haste in the past and came to regret it. I do not wish to make the same mistake. I will consider the matter.”

“Well, what do you know? You’re learning.” Tony replied, tone just a bit mocking. “That’s perfectly reasonable. You should definitely weigh in the pros and cons before reaching a decision. Your buddies, though… There is no reason to tell them. From what I gathered, they aren’t exactly fans of Loki, and might decide to blab to Odin at the first opportunity.”

“You are probably right.” Thor sighed. “It pains me to say it, but I don’t think I can trust them with Loki’s well-being.”

Tony’s comm channel beeped in his ear and there was Jarvis’s voice. “Sir, The Panel wants to know if they should come back in.”

“Are you ready to finish the meeting with the Panel, Thor?” Tony asked, giving the man a pointed look.

“I am.”

There wasn’t a lot more to say, just a few more details that the Panel wanted to confirm regarding things Loki had said about Asgard and the other realms. As Tony expected, Thor corroborated Loki’s words, including the lack of trial. He’d already said as much to Bruce, but the Panel wanted it on the official record. Then Thor asked a few more questions about Thanos and what they knew of his plans.

“There are stories in Asgard about the Mad Titan. He is described as a formidable foe,” Thor said.

“And a danger to everyone, not just Earth,” Tony added. “He seems to be after the Infinity Stones, and since Asgard has the Tesseract, that means he might come for you too.”

“Aye. Father has fortified our defenses after the attack from the Dark Elves. In any case, I shall see to it that the Tessaract is well protected once I return to Asgard.” He paused. “I cannot speak for the whole of Asgard, but the people of Midgard have my allegiance. If you accept it, I offer my assistance to fight against Thanos.”

“We would be grateful, Mr Odinson,” Ms Farnelli said. “We are preparing as best as we can with the resources we have. Any help would be appreciated.”

Thor nodded and bowed respectfully. “I would… I would also request to be allowed to speak to my brother.”

 _Well, that sounded way more diplomatic and polite than the earlier demand_ , Tony thought. _There might be hope for him yet_.

“We will consider it.” She stood. “If there is nothing else, we are adjourned. Drs Stark and Banner will take you to your accommodations. We will let you know of our decision soon.”

“I thank you for your hospitality, and for your honesty.” Then he looked down for a moment. “I also apologize for my inappropriate actions earlier. I should have controlled my temper better.”

Farnelli raised an eyebrow in a clear ‘yes, you should have’ gesture. Tony wondered if she had kids, because that was a very ‘mom’ move. Judging by the chagrined expression on Thor’s face, he thought so too.

“Come on, Thor. Let’s go.”

Thor gave him a rather timid smiled and followed.

*****

The ride to the hotel was done in silence. Thor seemed lost in thought and neither Tony nor Bruce wanted to get into any potentially dangerous topics of conversation in the car.

Jarvis had kept Vision, Rhodey and Hope up to date regarding the Panel meeting, and they had, in turn, let Tony know how their babysitting was going. According to Rhodey, the Stooges weren’t happy about being separated from Thor (or their weapons), though they had kept their disgruntlement to a minimum. Volstagg had asked for food and then grumbled that it compared poorly to Asgardian cuisine. _What a bunch of entitle assholes_.

As they entered the parking lot, Tony glanced at Thor again. His faraway expression remained unchanged, and he sighed heavily as the car came to a stop.

“So, Thor,” Tony said as they headed for the lobby, “You’ll keep quiet about Loki to your friends, right?” From what little he’d heard about the Stooges from Loki and the other Avengers, Tony really didn’t think it would be good for either Earth or Loki to tell them anything.

“Aye,” Thor replied, still rocking the lost puppy look. “I shall send them back to Asgard as soon as possible.”

“Yeah, that’s probably for the best,” Tony agreed. He had no idea why they’d come along in the first place. In all truth, though, they would probably have fit right in with Rogers and his crew – the idiots who thought being physically stronger was a sign of moral character.

The three of them got into the elevator and rode up to the floor where Thor and his friends would be staying.

The Panel had booked two large rooms with three single beds each. There had been some debate about getting a third room for Sif, but Tony had thought it unnecessary. From what Thor had said, he and his friends were used to going on quests (which Tony figured was kinda like camping) together, and Sif had always bunked with the guys. If she complained, they could change it, but frankly, Tony thought the Asgardians could do with being treated like regular folk and not the special little snowflakes they seemed to think they were.

“Thor!”

Fandral was the first to see them, and his shout attracted the others’ attention. One might think they hadn’t seen Thor in years with the way they fell all over themselves to greet him and ask him what had happened.

Thor raised a hand and his friends fell silent. However, he didn’t speak right away, looking back at Tony and Bruce as if unsure how to proceed. For all his centuries of living, it really was beginning to look like Thor was really young and out of his depth in matters other than battle.

Tony tried to give him an encouraging smile. Odin really was a shitty father if his oldest son – the one he favored and the one that was supposed to take the throne – was so woefully unprepared for life.

“I have spoken to the Midgardian Council.”

“What did they have to say?” Sif asked with a suspicious glance at Tony and Bruce.

“We discussed matters of State,” Thor replied. It was stretching the truth a bit, but it would hopefully keep the others from poking their noses in it too much.

“Like what?” Volstagg said, clearly missing the point.

Tony couldn’t help rolling his eye. How Loki had managed to be around these idiots was a mystery. “Are you official advisors to the throne?” Tony asked, just to be annoying. The silence that followed was answer enough. “Then I would imagine that it’s none of your business.” These guys were obviously not used to hearing a no. Just like some other people he knew who were now rotting in prison.

Volstagg and Sif puffed up in indignation, but Thor gestured for then to stand down. “Stark is right. The discussion does not concern you.”

“But Thor–”

“You would do well to remember your place, Sif.” He looked at the others. “All of you. We might be friends, but that does not mean you are to be privy to everything.” His eyes narrowed. “Not when you have proven to be less than loyal to the throne.”

 _Oh, burn_ , Tony thought.

Sif clearly didn’t know how to leave things alone. “How can you say that? We are loyal to you, Thor, and to Asgard. We have always been so.”

“Not when Loki was on the throne,” Thor snapped.

“Loki does not belong in Asgard! He never did.”

Even Fandral winced at that, Tony noted. That one really was the smartest of the lot – which wasn’t really saying much.

Thor took a step forward, getting into Sif’s face. His entire posture screamed anger, and Tony decided to intervene before the hotel room became a battlefield.

“All right, let’s all calm down.” He signaled for Vision and Hope, who had been hovering in the background, to be ready just in case.

To Tony’s surprise, Thor actually managed to rein in his temper. He shook his head and stepped back.

“You will return to Asgard now,” he announced, body still tense.

“My Prince, Sif didn’t mean…” Fandral said.

“It matters not.” Though it was very clear that yes, it did, and if Sif didn’t see that she was even dumber than Tony thought. “I have other matters to discuss with the Midgardian leaders. Your presence will only hinder that.”

“We can help, Thor,” Volstagg offered, only to be shut down.

“No. You are warriors, and I have no need of warriors at this time. I need someone who understands diplomacy.” Quietly, he added. “I need Loki.”

Sif and Hogun scoffed.

“Oh, so you think diplomacy is… what? Cowardly?” Tony asked, voice dripping with disdain. “Talking to people is beneath you? You’d rather kill them instead? Such nobility.” He looked each of them in the eye, putting as much disgust as he could into it. “Well, it might surprise you to know, but we don’t care for you folks around here. Now Loki, though… He sounds like a guy I’d enjoy having around. A guy with a brain is always better than a few idiots who think the answer to every problem is to beat it to death.”

“We can be diplomatic,” Fandral tried.

“Really? Because from what I’ve seen so far that seems very unlikely. Xena here still hasn’t learned to keep her mouth shut. She’s one more word away from either being punched in the face of thrown in jail.”

“That’s enough!” Thor hissed. He glared at Tony, then at his buddies. “You will return to Asgard at once. I still have business to attend to here, so I will remain for a while longer.”

Sif, Volstagg and Hogun looked like sulky children being sent to time-out, but they didn’t argue anymore. Even Fandral had nothing to say.

Thor turned to Tony again. “We need an open space to summon the Bifrost.”

Tony exchanged a look with the other Avengers. “Sure. I guess we can go back to the Compound. There’s already a Bifrost mark there. No need to cause any more damage.”

They took two cars; one big van that transported the Stooges and their escorts, and another one with Thor, Tony and Bruce again. Tony thought Thor would have wanted to ride with his friends, but he seemed as fed up with them as everyone else was.

The goodbyes were just as awkward as Tony imagined, with Thor standing stiffly while the Stooges watched him with beseeching expressions. Volstagg even tried to get him to reconsider to no avail.

“Heimdall, open the Bifrost,” Thor shouted into the sky.

Tony hoped Asgard’s peeping tom hadn’t been spying on Thor during the Panel meeting, because that would mean he already knew about Loki, and that would not be good. Well, they’d deal with that if it became an issue. No use fretting over a possibility they could do nothing about. Still, he really needed to ask Loki how all that worked.

The swirl of color that was the Bifrost flashed and when it disappeared, the Stooges were gone. Tony breathed a small sigh of relief. One less mess for them to deal with.

“Now what?” Thor asked. The lost puppy look was back with a vengeance.

“Why don’t you go back to the hotel and chill for a while? We’ll discuss your request after we’ve all gotten some rest.”

“Very well.”

Tony left that task to the others and flew back to the Tower. He contacted Farnelli en route to say he was going to talk to Loki about the situation.

“Keep us appraised, Dr Stark,” she said. It was really a lovely feeling, being trusted to handle things. He’d run Stark Industries for two decades and yet the former Avengers had thought him incompetent (even when he spent most of his time cleaning up their messes, and pretty much running the Avengers). Now he was back to being the respected guy in charge.

Loki had been hanging out at his parents’ with Strange, so that was where Tony headed when he arrived. Jarvis had kept everyone updated on general happenings, but there were still matters to discuss in more detail.

“Hey guys,” he greeted.

“Are you all right?” Loki asked, jumping up from the couch to hover around Tony. “Did Thor hurt you?”

“I’m fine. No one got hurt. Blondie got a bit over excited, but he calmed down quick enough.” Of course, the Hulk being there ready to knock his ass down probably had something to do with it – which had been the point.

“Are you sure, honey?” his mother insisted.

“Guys, chill. Everything is fine. I think we got through to Thor a bit. He sent his idiot friends home and agreed to keep quiet about Loki being alive, at least for now. That’s about as good as it gets.”

Loki’s face went through several emotions – anger, hope, longing – before settling on neutral. “Odin already knows,” he scoffed.

“Yeah, I told him that. But obviously _he_ hasn’t told anyone, so if Thor keeps his mouth shut too, no one will know.” Then he remembered his thought about Asgard’s gatekeeper. “Unless whatshisname, the guy at the Bifrost, has been spying on Thor. What do you think, Lokes?”

“Heimdall can see, but he cannot hear much. His name, some pre-arranged commands, things like that. He cannot follow entire conversations. He doesn’t know as much as he believes he does. And he can be fooled.” There was anger in his voice, and Tony figured it was better not to go poking that bear just yet.

“Well, that’s good.” Tony really wasn’t looking forward to a bunch of self-righteous nosy Asgardians butting in in Earth’s business.

“So, how did it go with the Panel?” Strange asked, joining the conversation.

Tony gave a more detailed account of the meeting, including his little dress down of Thor.

“He wants to talk to you,” he told Loki.

Loki crossed his arms like a petulant child and Tony rolled his eyes. How had babysitting Norse gods become his job?

“I know how you feel, Loki, but we’ve talked about this. He seemed really glad to know you were alive. And he’s figured out that he fucked up. At the very least, you should let him apologize. I think he’ll mean it.”

Loki shook his head. “You don’t know Thor. He’ll say he’s sorry and then he’ll expect everything to go back to the way it was. I won’t have that. I won’t be second best anymore. I won’t be mocked and ridiculed by him – or by anyone else, for that matter. Not anymore.”

“I didn’t say you let him off the hook. Saying sorry isn’t the end of it, not by a long shot. But it can be a start. If he keeps being the same idiot he’s always been, you can tell him to fuck off.”

“And you think he will? He won’t listen. He never listens!”

“We’ll make him listen, Loki,” Maria said, taking hold of Loki’s hand. “You’re not alone, remember?”

With a tight smile, Loki relaxed a bit. “I suppose I can talk to him. There are things I’d like to say to him as well.”

“Yeah, you do that.” _Asgard family drama coming my way_ , Tony thought. It would be good for Loki to get thing off his chest, though, and Thor should at least he given the chance to say goodbye to his brother if their relationship didn’t survive. With the rest of the team there (not to mention Maria Stark, mother extraordinaire), Loki and Thor might have some hope of working out their issues. Being estranged from family sucked, and a reconciliation was better for everyone. Tony wouldn’t have thought he could ever have sorted things out with his father, but with a new chance and better communication they’d managed it. From what he’s seen from Thor, Tony believed the same might be possible for the Asgardians, if Thor was willing to admit to his short-comings and start seeing things from another perspective. It might not be perfect in the end, but nothing ever was. After all, assuming Thanos didn’t kill them all, Thor and Loki still had thousands of years to live, and they should do that without hating each other. Odin, on the other hand, was still a major dick, and Tony didn’t see that changing anytime soon – or ever, really. “It’ll be all, right, Lokes.”

Loki nodded, looking a little less wrung out. “Thank you. For everything.”

“Hey, what are friends for?”

If someone had told him five years ago that he would be friends with the guy who brought aliens (and nightmares) to Tony’s doorstep, he’d have said they were nuts. And yet here they were. All of them a little broken, but still trying, still fighting. Still forgiving themselves and others.

It was easier not to blame Loki. He hadn’t been himself. Barnes… it was not as easy, even though their circumstances were similar. It was personal with Barnes, way too personal. However, Tony thought he’d get there someday soon. He didn’t think he’d go so far as to want to be friends with the guy (and, really, it wasn’t like he and Barnes had anything in common, unlike Loki), but forgiving he could do. It felt good to know that he was really moving past it.

Rogers and the rest, on the other hand… No, that was a very different situation. Tony didn’t think he’d _ever_ forgive them. Rogers and his minions didn’t have the excuse of mind control to make them more sympathetic. They’d never cared or respected Tony as a person.

So while he was glad to see Loki doing better after all the crap he’d been through, and would also be glad to know that Barnes had regained his mind fully, Rogers could continue to rot in prison. Thor… jury was still out on whether he got another chance or not.

 _Never a dull moment, that’s for sure_.


	4. Hard Truths

Thor paced back and forth in his hotel room, feeling like a caged animal. The last few hours had brought many hard truths and even more uncertainties. He had come to Midgard to escape the latter, and instead found them increased ten-fold. He was grateful for it, though. Knowing Loki still lived had lifted a weight from his shoulders he hadn’t even realized was there. Unfortunately, that piece of news didn’t bring only joy; like everything involving Loki, confusion and frustration followed in its wake. Thor knew now that he had never truly known Loki, and that realization pained him greatly. Part of him wanted to be angry that Loki had deliberately deceived him for years, yet the part that had been trying to be better since his banishment could recognize that he was not without fault in Loki’s lack of trust. He had never questioned Loki’s guilt in the invasion, after all.

He refused to believe he was too late, though. He would speak to his brother, even if he had to pester the humans daily to make it happen.

Stark’s words were still ringing in his ears. _Grow up_ , the mortal had said – and plenty more besides. Thor remembered that Man of Iron had never been shy about speaking his mind – and often in such a cutting sarcastic way that Thor couldn’t help think of Loki. He’d always thought the two of them would get along, and apparently, he’d been right. Thor himself had never quite understood Stark; most of what the man said had been incomprehensible to him, either because it relied on cultural references Thor was unfamiliar with (and which didn’t translate well with All-speak), or because it was filled with scientific jargon that was just as obscure. It was part of the reason he had preferred to spend his time with Rogers, Barton and Romanoff. They spoke his language, the language of warriors. That and the harsh reminders of Loki he found so painful to contemplate in Stark.

And yet here Loki was, having made an alliance with the humans for protection. Protection from _Asgard_ , from _Thor_. It hurt. It had hurt when Thor had believed that Loki had betrayed him. It hurt even more to realize Loki had been the one betrayed. Thor should have had more faith, he should have tried harder. There had been a time when Loki had trusted him completely, when Loki had sought him out as a friend and a champion. It was only now that he saw how long ago that time was. Now Thor was the one Loki was afraid of, the one he wanted to be protected from.

It wasn’t just Thor, though. He had noted that no one in Asgard seemed too upset about Loki’s death, but he had honestly not known how deep it went if even their closest friends (Thor’s friends more than Loki’s, perhaps) showed such… distrust.

 _Grow up_. The words kept echoing. _Grow up and learn to deal with the world as an adult_. After his banishment, Thor had thought himself grown, leaving behind the folly of his youth. Yet today he had reacted in anger just like before. _Think before you act_ , Loki had told him many times, and Thor had always dismissed it. _I am Thor, I know what I’m doing_ , he’d always thought. How… arrogant. Just like Stark had said.

It was not an easy thing to acknowledge, that one was less than what one believed. Thor had always had complete confidence in himself and his abilities. Now… Now he didn’t know anything.

Well, he knew one thing: he would not fail Loki again. He would keep the truth of Loki’s survival to himself (and if Stark was to be believed, _Odin_ had known all along. More lies. Would it ever end?). He would speak to Loki, he would _listen_ (had he ever truly listened before?). This time, he would protect Loki as he should have done. He would be the big brother he had always believed himself to be. He could only hope that it would be enough to make Loki forgive him.

Night had fallen and still Thor paced. Back and forth, back and forth, mind spinning. He hated waiting, hated being idle, hated not knowing what to do. Knowing that he needed to make things right with Loki was not the same as knowing _how_ to do it.

As it had been in the last few years, he wished he had someone to talk to, someone who could help him make sense of all of this. (Norns, he missed his mother.) In the past, he had confided in Steve and Lady Natasha. It was odd to think they were both in prison now. How could things had fallen apart like that? When he’d left, the Avengers had been stronger than ever, with new and powerful members and another glorious victory to write songs about – or so he’d thought. Had he only seen what he wanted to see? _Grow up_. Was he really so naïve as to be unable to see the problems around him? Perhaps he was. Had he not been surprised to realize Sif and the Three had committed treason just because they didn’t trust Loki? Sif’s words about Loki not belonging in Asgard came back to him and he winced. Had she always thought so? Had others thought the same? Loki had always been different, but Thor had never really thought about what that _meant_.

Thor was not always good at spotting deceit, he knew. How much had he missed? Both in Asgard and here in Midgard? How much had he failed to see?

Too many questions and not enough answers. There was no one to fight, no decisive action he could take that would make things right again.

He thought about calling Jane. She had always been kind to him and understanding of his doubts. Their parting had been amicable enough. Should he reach out to her? Would she be happy to hear from him or upset that he was once again intruding uninvited in her life? He didn’t know. And even if she wanted to talk to him, what could he tell her? He wasn’t going to mention Loki being alive, so how would she be able to counsel him?

He missed his mother so much. She would have known what to do, what to say. _She_ had not abandoned Loki, _she_ had believed in him until the end. Always. Believed in both of them. But she was gone, and he was alone.

There was nothing to do but wait. Wait, worry and think. Perhaps if he’d done more of those things in the past, he would not be here now, alone and afraid.

Perhaps a bit of fresh air would help clear his mind, Thor thought. He could go for a short flight, see the city again. It would be a welcome distraction.

Mind made up, he picked up Mjolnir and walked out the door only to come face to face with Vision. The creature was seated on a chair in the corridor, dressed in Midgardian clothes and reading a book.

“Thor,” the being greeted. “Is there something you need?”

“I… I was just going to… get some air,” he replied, somewhat unnerved to discover he was being watched.

“I’m afraid that would not be a good idea. Your presence back on Earth has not yet been officially announced, and you flying around might cause a panic. We would prefer to avoid that.”

“Panic? Why would anybody panic?” Thor frowned.

The look Vision gave him was familiar from years of seeing it on his brother’s face. It was the look that said Thor was missing something obvious. It made Thor bristle defensively.

“I am not a threat to your realm,” he said irritably.

“Yet you almost attacked Tony and the Accords Council earlier, when you got unexpected news.”

Thor opened his mouth to protest, then realized he had sort of done that. “It was a misunderstanding,” he said.

“Your people are far too prone to acting violently,” Vision retorted, unfazed. “The world has had a rather bad experience with people like that recently.”

In all his life, Thor had never been insulted as often and as harshly as he had since his arrival in Midgard this morning. While he wanted to be angry (and part of him was), he felt mostly ashamed. _Grow up_. Despite the biting tone of the words he’d heard today, they held some truth. He was not flawless, quite the contrary. It was not a good realization.

“I mean your people no harm,” he repeated. He might need some reminders to rein in his temper, but he was not about to start mowing people down.

“Perhaps not. However, people are scared and wary, and not necessarily thinking clearly. It would be for the best that you remain here.”

It didn’t seem right to him. “Am I to be a prisoner, then?”

“No. You are a guest. That, however, does not mean you are allowed to go where you want or do what you want. If you need something, we will do our best to provide it. We merely ask that you abide by some rules during your stay, one of them being not going anywhere unaccompanied. Not until the public is aware of your presence, at least.”

As much as Thor wanted to complain, when put like that it did not seem like an unreasonable request. Foreign visitors to Asgard were not allowed to roam around freely either, after all. He nodded. “Very well.”

“Is there anything else I can do for you?”

Thor took the opportunity to really look at Vision. At the time of its (his?) creation, there had been too much going on for Thor to really think about what he _was_. Vision had proven himself worthy by wielding Mjolnir and in the fight against Ultron, but other than that Thor knew nothing about him. Not long after the battle, Thor had returned to Asgard, and thus had had little chance to interact with Vision. Yet one more thing that made Thor acutely aware of how out of his element he was here, surrounded by people he barely knew (or didn’t know at all) when he had expected familiarity and comfort.

“Do you think it will be long until I am allowed to speak to Loki?” Thor asked, unable to keep the longing and desperation out of his voice.

“I do not know. The matter is being debated.”

“Have _you_ spoken to Loki?” _How fares he?_ He wanted to say.

“I have. He is well.”

Thor was grateful for the response to his unspoken question, even if it grated on him to being reduced to begging for scraps of information.

“Has he asked for me? Does he want to see me?” He was uncomfortably aware that he sounded like a lost child, but he could not help it. For years he had missed Loki and the relationship they used to have, before it was ruined by lies, anger and betrayal (whose betrayal was less clear now).

“I have not spoken to him of your arrival. I know not what he thinks or feels regarding this subject.” There was a lot Vision wasn’t saying, Thor could tell that much. Why could no one ever just be honest?, he thought in despair. So much grief could have been avoided if people had only told the _truth_. “Is there anything else I can do for you?”

“No, thank you. I am… fine.”

Somewhat despondent, Thor returned to his room. After a couple of hours of fretful pacing, he managed to fall asleep, though his dreams were filled with images of Loki falling as Thor looked on, unable to help.

He was not particularly rested when the sun began to rise on the horizon past the tall buildings of the city of New York. Thor could only hope that this new day would bring more comfort than the previous ones.

*****

The hours passed slowly. Thor had been given food and refreshments then been left to his own devices. Vision was still standing guard outside.

Thor had never cared for solitude. He liked being around people – his family, friends and the people of Asgard –, he liked revelry and laughter, stories, songs and feasts. At least, he used to. Since losing Loki and Frigga, however, Thor had found his eagerness for merriment greatly diminished. Yet solitude (and idleness even more) was still… uncomfortable.

For perhaps the first time, he wondered what it had been like for Loki, locked away in the dungeons for a crime he had not been truly responsible for. Even if Frigga had visited him periodically, what had it been like to have nothing but his own thoughts, anger and regret for company? And worse, knowing that there would be no reprieve or chance of escaping, no allies to help him? Surely he would have gone mad. Anyone would.

How could Odin and Frigga have allowed it? How could _Thor_?

It seemed so obvious now, yet he had never seen Loki’s fate as unfair. He had been angry with Loki. He had let his emotions get the better of him (as always – _grow up_ ), and it had been Loki who had paid the price while Thor remained totally oblivious to the truth.

Thor did not know how much time had passed when Vision knocked on the door.

“The Panel and Loki have agreed to your request.”

Even though it was what he wanted, now that the time had come he was nervous and scared. What if Loki did not forgive him? What if Thor couldn’t make this right? Nevertheless, he nodded and followed Vision to an awaiting car. Thor would have preferred to fly, but he said nothing, concentrating instead on choosing what to say to Loki. The gift of words had always been Loki’s, and Thor had always dismissed it as being a less important skill. Now he would give anything to know the right things to say, the way Loki had always seemed to.

The trip was short, and soon they were in the Tower the Avengers had lived in for a time. It was the place where, once upon a time, Thor had fought his brother, oblivious to the fact that Loki was not himself. It looked different from what Thor remembered. Instead of the A that stood for Avengers, the top of the Tower once again read Stark. The Avengers as he knew them were no more.

Thor and Vision rode the elevator to the upper floors in silence. Instead of the apartments Thor was familiar with, however, they entered what seemed to be a meeting room, with a long table and chairs. Stark and Banner were already seated. Loki was nowhere to be seen.

“Have a seat, Thor. We have some things to discuss before you see Loki,” Stark said and Thor complied. “This is a non-disclosure agreement.” Stark motioned to a stack of documents on the table. “By signing it, you agree not to discuss anything said and/or seen within this Tower, regarding Loki and all other matters, with anyone not authorized. Authorized personnel includes only the Avengers and the Accords Panel. No one outside of those people must know of this, including the people of Asgard. Do you understand?”

“Yes. I have already given you my word on this matter.”

“Yeah, but here just your word isn’t enough. It’s not that we don’t believe you, it’s just that we like to have documents for these things. It’s the way we do things. We have all signed similar documents. So, read it and if you have any questions, we will be happy to explain further.”

Thor took the papers and began reading them. It looked like many of the trade agreements Thor had studied in the last few years. He did not understand all details, yet he didn’t feel like asking anything. It did not matter. If signing this was what he had to do to talk to Loki, then he would do so. The humans had been honest and upfront with him so far, so he had no reason to believe they intended to trick or deceive him. He picked up the pen and signed his name in the places Stark indicated he should. Stark and Banner signed as well – as witnesses, they explained – and Vision disappeared with the papers.

“J, tell everyone we’re ready.”

The waiting was excruciating. Thor felt like he was going to crawl out of his skin with nerves. He had to do this right. He _had_ to. (But what if he didn’t? What if he messed it up?)

Finally, the door opened again.

After five years, Thor got to see his brother again.

“Loki,” he whispered, unable to keep the emotion out of his voice. He felt his vision blur as he took in the sight of his brother, alive and unharmed. He wanted to go to him and engulf him in a hug the way he used to do, but his feet remained rooted to the spot. He had lost that right. He had failed Loki when his brother had needed him the most.

“Thor,” the other replied, expression closed. There was no welcoming smile (not that Thor had expected it), no sign that Loki had missed Thor or was happy to see him. He looked good, at least. He was dressed in Midgardian clothes that fit him well, and his pallor was healthy. He looked much better than the last time Thor had seen him, dying (or not) in the desolate emptiness of Svaltarfheim.

“I… It’s so good to see you,” Thor said, finding some words at last. Loki did not reply, just continued to watch Thor coldly, as if he was a stranger and not his brother. “Please, Loki… I… I’m sorry.”

“You should be. You left me to rot!” There was emotion in Loki’s face now, anger. Loki had a right to be angry. Anger was better than indifference, Thor reasoned, though he longed for the time when Loki looked at him with love and admiration.

“I’m sorry.”

Loki crossed his arms and looked away from Thor, ignoring the apology. He turned his gaze to Stark and Banner instead.

“Come on, Lokes, let’s all sit down and talk like civilized people. Right?” Stark glared at Thor, who had stood the moment Loki had entered the room.

Thor sat down again, fists clenching and unclenching in his lap. He did not miss how Loki took the chair furthest from Thor, right beside Stark. He also did not miss the familiar way Stark addressed Loki, or the warm smile Loki directed at the Avenger. None of this was right. The petty, childish part of Thor wanted to go back to the days when _Thor_ was the favorite who could do no wrong instead of being the one scolded and dismissed – and he was deeply ashamed of that part of himself.

The tension in the room was suffocating. Thor had no idea what to say. Though he had spent the night considering it, he had not arrived at any conclusion. In the face of Loki’s cold regard, Thor felt trapped and powerless.

“Guys…” Stark said when the silence dragged on. “Come on. Talk to each other.”

“I have nothing to say,” Loki replied. “He is the one who wanted to speak to me.” He kept his eyes on Stark, still ignoring Thor.

Stark sighed. “Thor?”

Why was this so hard? Why could he not find the words?

“I… I’m sorry,” he repeated, not knowing what else to say.

“For what exactly? What are you sorry for, Thor? Tell me.” This time Loki turned to him, eyes burning with anger. “Are you sorry for ridiculing me and my abilities my whole life? Are you sorry for dismissing me? For ignoring all my skills and contributions and keeping all the glory for yourself? Are you sorry for being an arrogant jerk? Are you sorry for how your derision encouraged others to act the same way? Are you sorry for always thinking yourself superior to me? Are you sorry for never listening to a word I said? Are you sorry for tossing me in prison and leaving me there to _rot_ without even bothering to ask me anything? Are you sorry you always thought the worst of me, letting your _friends_ poison you against me? Are you sorry for never _once_ trying to help me, for never standing up for me when it mattered? Tell me, Thor, what are you sorry _for_?”

Each word was like a punch in the stomach, making Thor hunch in on himself in shame. He had done those things, hadn’t he? Maybe not intentionally, but that didn’t make it any better. (In fact, perhaps it made it worse.)

“I’m sorry for all of it.” The things he had already realized he had done, and the things he hadn’t. (Had his ill-conceived words really allowed others to say the same to Loki?) “I’m so sorry.”

Loki snorted. “And that’s supposed to make it all better? Do you expect me to just forgive you?”

Thor raised his head to look at his brother, tears shining in his eyes. Yes, he wanted to be forgiven. He _was_ sorry. He hadn’t meant to hurt Loki. “I…” he trailed off.

In the past, when Thor had done something dumb, Loki had always forgiven him eventually. _Every_ dumb thing he had ever done, in fact, had eventually been forgiven. Odin (and the people of Asgard) had forgiven him for nearly restarting a war, for being an arrogant warmonger. All his blunders, all his diplomatic errors had been excused at some point. In the end, Thor had always had the respect of the people. He had, somehow, expected this time to be the same. Though he knew, deep down, that it would not be easy, in his heart he’d believed that things would be all right, because that was how it had always been. (For him.) All he had to do was keep being himself, and things would eventually fall back into place.

As he looked at Loki now, and he knew that was not going to happen this time. (And it perhaps it shouldn’t.) It was clear that Loki had no intention of forgiving him, or forgetting any of the thousands of things Thor had done to hurt him, on purpose or not.

The tiny spec of hope Thor had been harboring in his heart since finding out that Loki yet lived withered and died. It could not be sustained in the face of Loki’s unrelenting anger and pain. Because now Thor could see it, plain as day, the pain and suffering he had unwittingly put his brother through. How could he have been so selfish, so blind? What sort of man was he that he had not been able to see any of that?

Thor shook his head at last, feeling utterly defeated. Battles and fearsome enemies he could fight. This… This was a different sort of fight altogether, one that Thor was ill equipped to handle. “I cannot… I cannot undo what has been done,” he said, looking down at his hands again. Strong he might be, but for this his strength was useless. “None has that power. I cannot… I cannot make this right.”

“Ooookay,” Stark said, and Thor raised his head to him. “Let’s all take a deep breath here, ‘cause this is going nowhere fast.” He turned to Loki. “You’re angry, I get it, but come on. Throw the guy a bone. Talk to each other, for god’s sake.”

“Do you know what it’s like to be alone, Thor?” Loki asked. “Utterly and completely alone?”

Thor opened his mouth to say he did, then paused. Yes, he had felt lonely these past few years, but he had not been truly alone. He’d had his father, his friends, the people of Asgard. He might not have been happy, but never had he been alone. “No.”

“Do you know what it’s like to be ignored? Dismissed? Seen as less?”

“No.” Thor had never been ignored. Wherever he’d gone, he’d been Thor, crown prince of Asgard and future King. People had sung songs about him to praise his fighting skills, women had swooned at his feet.

“Do you know what it’s like to find out your whole life has been a lie? To spend years trying so hard to be something you could never be? To fail, again and again, and never even know _why_?”

“No.” Thor had rarely failed at anything – at least, not at anything he considered important. He had not always been confident in himself, but until recently, he had never doubted himself quite so much. His path had always been clear and the way unimpeded. He had no idea how Loki had felt. “What can I do, Loki? Tell me what you want me to do,” he pleaded.

But Loki only shook his head. “You have done plenty, Thor. And _not_ done even more. I don’t trust you anymore.”

At some level, Thor had already realized that – if Loki had trusted him, then he would have told him about being alive. Hearing it said aloud, however, felt like a hot knife thrust into his stomach. It made it real. All of this was real.

Thor swallowed hard and looked away. There was nothing more he could said, was there? Loki didn’t trust him, probably didn’t even love him anymore.

He almost wished he’d stayed in Asgard. If he had, he could have remained in blissful ignorance.

He was not a coward, though. He would not run away and pretend. He couldn’t. What sort of king would he be if he didn’t face his problems – his mistakes – head on?

With a heavy heart, Thor looked at his brother once more.

“I… I do not know what amends I can make, if any. But Loki… Please know that I _am_ sorry, and that I will always love you.” _Even if you hate me_. “You are my brother.”

“No, I’m not,” Loki hissed. “That was a lie we were both told.”

“It matters not that we are not of the same blood,” Thor said, willing Loki to believe him.

“Really? It matters not?”

“No,” Thor repeated.

“Are you sure about that?” There was a challenge in Loki’s tone.

Thor opened his mouth to say it one more time, but the words died on his throat as he watched Loki. It was a gradual change, and all the more disturbing for it. Blue frost covered Loki’s visible skin, starting at his hands and radiating upwards. Loki’s eyes turned blood red, sharp and foreign.

Before he even knew what he was doing, Thor had stood, pushing his chair back. His muscles were tense and he itched for Mjolnir, which he’d left back at the hotel at the Avengers’ request. Intellectually, he knew that the Frost Giant before him was Loki – his brother – yet it was an unsettling sight nevertheless. It was hard to reconcile this repulsive creature with Loki.

Loki’s mouth twisted into a bitter smile upon seeing Thor’s reaction. “Still your bother, Thor?” he asked with a sneer. “Still _love_ me?”

Thor desperately wanted to say yes, but the words refused to come out. Loki’s features were still there in that… horrible face… and yet… All Thor could see was a Frost Giant. An enemy.

“That’s what I thought,” Loki said. He rose from the table, glaring hatefully at Thor. “I think we’re done here.” He nodded to Stark and, without another word, walked out, leaving Thor behind. Again.

“That went well,” Stark muttered. He sighed and gave Thor a disappointed look.

Thor dropped back into his chair, deeply ashamed of himself.

“Look,” Stark said, “I know you were raised to be a racist ass, but you’re gonna have to get over that, and fast. All that bullshit you were taught about the Jotnar? It’s exactly that: bullshit.”

It annoyed Thor to be lectured once again, even though he understood what Stark was saying and why. It had not escaped his noticed that the humans had not reacted at all to Loki’s transformation. They must have seen it before. Loki must have trusted them with it. They had obviously passed that test while Thor had failed spectacularly.

“I… I did not mean…”

“Yeah, I know you didn’t. It’s not entirely your fault. You really gotta do better, though.”

“What’s the point?” Thor said, slumping in defeat. “Loki hates me.”

Stark sighed again. “He doesn’t hate you. He’s just… angry and hurt.”

“I cannot… I cannot change what happened.”

“No, you can’t. What you _can_ do is change how you act from here on out.”

“He will never forgive me.”

“So what? You’re just gonna give up? Walk away? Are you doing this to make _yourself_ feel better or for Loki?”

“No! It’s… I… Loki is my brother. I… love him. But… you saw, just now. He wants nothing to do with me.”

“He wants nothing to do with the asshole he knew before. Maybe if you show him you aren’t gonna be that guy anymore, he might give you another chance. But you’re gonna have to earn it.”

“How can I do that?”

“Well, you can start by taking a good look at yourself and the shit that goes on in Asgard and figure out where the problems are. And what _you_ can do about them. Maybe start seeing things from Loki’s perspective. Everything might have seemed perfect to you, but Loki was hurting.”

And Thor had contributed to that, however unwillingly.

“It’s not gonna be an overnight fix, though,” Stark continued. “You can’t just say sorry and expect everything to be fine. It will take time.” Stark gave Thor a hard look. “Now the question is: are you willing to do that? To commit to it, even if it’s hard? Because if you’re not, tell me now so we don’t waste our time with you.”

“Yes, of course I am willing.” _Whatever it takes_ , Thor thought. He owed it to Loki.

*****

After Loki left, Stark began talking about the Mad Titan, Thanos, and his plans to collect the Infinity Stones. The Panel had alluded to some of it before, but had not given him as many details. Thor shared what he knew, which wasn’t much, and once again pledged his allegiance to the people of Midgard.

“We’ll be glad to have you fight alongside us, Thor,” Stark said. “However, there is a new structure in place that you’ll need to respect. The days of the Avengers just doing whatever they wanted with no thought to anything or anyone else are long gone.”

Had they done that? Thor wondered. He had never been in Midgard for too long at a time. When he was, he’d either spent time with Jane or the Avengers, and assumed that things were being done properly. He didn’t know all of the rules in Midgard (and, in truth, had not troubled himself too much to learn), and had trusted the others.

“First thing is, as I’ve already mentioned, that you need to work on your temper and your tendency to attack first and ask questions later.”

“Like that time when Ultron was activated that you came in and lifted Tony up by the neck,” Banner said, eyes drilling holes into Thor. “Do you realize you could have killed him with that?”

Thor cringed. He had not thought about that in a long time. “My apologies, Stark,” he said, looking at the man in question. “I… I let the excitement of the moment get the better of me.”

“That’s no excuse,” Banner retorted. “Violence might be an accepted way of life in Asgard, but it’s not here. Especially not against friends. Especially not when they haven’t done anything wrong.”

“I’m sorry.” Never in his life had Thor apologized so much in such a short time. It felt like every other word out of his mouth since arriving here was some kind of apology.

“An apology only counts if it comes with actual change, so we’re gonna hold you to that,” Banner said.

Thor nodded. It seemed that he had not grown as much as he’d once believed.

“What do you know about the Infinity Stones?” Stark asked.

“Very little, I’m afraid. They are powerful relics that predate the universe. I know of no way that they can be destroyed.” He hesitated before continuing. “It is likely that Loki knows more than I do.”

“He’s already told us what he knows, but we figured it couldn’t hurt to see if you had any new information.”

“I can ask Father. He might know more,” Thor offered.

“Yeah, sure,” Stark replied, though it was clear he did not believe Odin would have anything to add. “Well, since you’re here, we can meet the rest of the gang properly and tell us what kind of help we can expect from Asgard, if that’s all right with you.”

Once Thor had acquiesced, the rest of the Avengers filed in and took seats around the table. Loki did not return.

Rhodes was now the Avengers’ field leader, Thor was told, so if he were to fight with them, he’d be in charge. Thor had not known much about the man except that he was an old friend of Stark’s. He carried himself like a warrior, though, and seemed competent. From what little Thor recalled of Midgardian’s forces, he was of higher rank than Steve had been; an experienced commander.

Stark now ran the Avengers as a whole, taking care of administrative and political matters. Thor had never paid attention to those sorts of things, but he now understood they were essential for the smooth running of an organization – or a kingdom.

The woman, Lady van Dyne, had a suit that enabled her to shrink, a piece of technology developed by her father. It was not something Thor had been aware could be accomplished, and he had to admire the humans’ ingenuity. He was not quite sure how such a thing could be used in battle, though.

The only person Thor had not met the previous day was Dr Strange, the sorcerer. He wore an odd cape that seemed to move on its own. When he asked about it, Thor was told the cape was the Cloak of Levitation, a magical relic. Thor had heard of such relics, yet had never taken an interest in them. He’d had no idea Midgard had any.

For a while, they discussed strategy, and the steps taken to protect the citizens of Midgard.

“Father must know something about this threat,” Thor said. A lot of his father’s recent decisions made more sense now in light of this new information. Why hadn’t Odin told him about it, though? Thor could have done more if he’d been fully apprised of the situation.

“So Odin has been making plans?” Stark asked.

“Yes, I believe so. He has not… shared the details with me.” He paused, wondering if he should say more. Even though these weren’t exactly the Avengers Thor had expected to see, they might still be able to help him. Perhaps the fact that they were critical of Thor (and Asgard as a whole) would make them more truthful and, therefore, trustworthy. He had little to lose in trying, he reasoned. “Father has been acting… strange lately. I am unsure what to make of it.”

“Strange how?” Banner asked.

“Since mother died, he has been… I don’t know, more distant and standoffish. I did not think much of it, for grief does that, yet now… it’s different. He’s short-tempered with everyone, even more than usual, demanding reports he has already heard, going over everything as if he can’t remember what happened.”

“Well, he’s… old, isn’t he?” Stark said cautiously.

“Aye, that’s true.” Thor didn’t want to think about that, though: that his father’s mind might be slipping. It would be a disaster for Asgard if that were to happen, because now more than ever Thor knew he was not ready to be king.

“He didn’t tell you anything?” Stark continued. “About Loki?”

Thor shook his head. “Why do you think Father knows about Loki?” As much as Thor would like to believe otherwise, he knew Odin could and would keep the truth from him.

“Something Loki said,” the human answered. “It doesn’t matter, I guess. Look, Thor. It’s not my place to tell you what to do, but if I could give you some advice?”

“I would be grateful.”

“You need to start doing things by yourself, be more independent. I mean, you’re gonna be king someday, and that means you’ll be the one making the decisions. I know it’s probably a scary and daunting prospect, but there’s no escaping it. I don’t think Odin has been all that helpful in teaching you stuff, so you’re gonna have to learn by yourself. Listen, watch, think. Ask questions, come to your own conclusions. Just… stand on your own two feet. Reevaluate what you know and what you think you know so you don’t repeat the same mistakes. And don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it, or admit errors. No one is perfect and you’re… well, you’ve had a pretty sheltered life from what I understand. It’s time to face the big bad world and see how things really are.”

For a time, Thor remained quiet, mulling over Stark’s advice. For all that the mortal was young, there was wisdom in his words. Even when Stark had been berating him for his poor behavior, Thor could not deny that he had not been entirely wrong. Loki seemed to regard the mortals well, and Loki had always been the smartest of them. It was obvious that Thor still had much to learn, and perhaps the New Avengers would be able to help him as Jane once had. It would be foolish not to listen.

“I thank you for your counsel. I will keep your words in mind.”

“So you’re staying?” Rhodes inquired.

“I would like to, if you have no objection.” If he went back to Asgard, he would not get the chance to make things right with Loki. Also, with his newfound understanding of his own (and Asgard’s) faults, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to keep his temper there. Odin had made it clear he had no need of Thor, so there was no point in him returning. At least here he could actually _do_ something useful. Learn more, if nothing else.

“That’s fine, I guess. Just remember that there are rules to be followed.”

Thor nodded. “I give you my word that I will abide by them.”

“Good. So, since you’re staying, there are a few more people you should meet. And remember that you can’t tell anyone about this,” Stark said. “J? Could you get them here?”

A couple of minutes later three new people entered the room. There was an older man and woman and a… strange person. It was a woman, but she did not look quite human. The skin was an odd color, the eyes were too big and bright blue (like Loki’s during the invasion), and she had no hair. She wore dark trousers and a shirt with an Iron Man image on it.

The man resembled Stark, though his hair and mustache were grey. The other woman’s hair was also greying around the edges yet she was still quite elegant and dignified. She reminded Thor of Frigga.

“Thor,” Stark said, “I’d like you to meet my family. My parents, Howard and Maria, and my daughter Friday. She’s and Artificial Intelligence like Jarvis and Vision, sorta.”

The odd person waved a hand. “Hey.”

Thor stared at the trio for a few moments in surprise. Weren’t Stark’s parents dead?

“It is a pleasure,” Thor said, standing and bowing slightly. He turned to Stark. “I though your parents were dead.” He recalled hearing that Steve had known Stark’s father before he’d been frozen in the ice yet had concealed the truth of their fate to protect the man who had murdered them.

“Ah, yeah. It’s a long story.”

“It’s good to meet you, Thor. We have heard quite a bit about you from Loki,” Lady Stark said with narrowed eyes. Her tone was perfectly polite but Thor could tell she was not that pleased at all. Clearly Loki had not painted a favorable picture of him.

“Me, I’m not really that pleased with people who try to strangle my son,” the elder Stark said with a hard look.

“Well, that won’t happen again, will it?” Lady Stark continued, a hard glint in her eye. Yes, she definitely reminded Thor of his own mother.

“No, Lady Stark. I have already apologized to Stark. I… I will be more mindful of my temper,” Thor said, feeling quite chagrined.

“I understand that you might need a few reminders to behave like a civilized adult. You can rest assured we will not hesitate to give them.”

Thor swallowed, feeling distinctively uncomfortable.

“I’ve got my eye on you, Blondie,” Friday added. “And I’ve got eyes all over this Tower.” She made a wide circle above her head with one hand. “Me and big brother Jarvis. So if you take one step out of line we won’t hesitate to put you down.”

Once again Thor wanted to protest the treatment he was getting, yet didn’t feel like he could, not after his many mistakes and blunders. So he bowed and said nothing, acknowledging Stark’s family’s right to defend and protect him.

Was this how Loki had always felt? he wondered. Always under suspicion, mistrusted? Thor was used to being held in high esteem, to having everyone’s praises and affection. This feeling that he was being scrutinized and found wanting was new – and horrible. But perhaps it was time for Thor to get out of his comfort zone.

 _Grow up_. Yes, it seemed he really needed to do that, however hard it might be. For Loki’s sake and for his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got the idea for His Girl Friday when I wrote this chapter. So I wrote that story (in April) and then took three months to write the last chapter of this. *sigh*


	5. Moving forward

Seeing Thor again had brought up a lot of memories and feelings Loki was having a hard time dealing with. He’d thought he’d made his peace with Asgard and his life there, putting it behind him to focus on his life on Earth. Thor’s unexpected arrival, however, had kicked that hornet’s nest and now he was forced to confront his issues once more.

Thor claimed he was sorry, but Loki could not trust him. He had fallen for that far too many times, forgiving Thor’s insults and dismissals only for them to be levelled on him again later. It seemed that Thor was more sorry that he wouldn’t get what he wanted out of Loki than for what he had actually done. How long would it take for Thor to backslide once again and ignore all his supposed enlightenment? It wasn’t just a matter of saying hurtful things, but the fact that Thor had truly _believed_ them. He’d _believed_ that Loki’s magic was a lesser skill, tricks unworthy of a true warrior. He really believed the Jotnar were monsters (and Loki himself was still struggling to let go of that), which would make _Loki_ a monster as well. How could Loki ignore that his own brother (as least as far as they had both believed that lie) had spent his whole life thinking himself superior and dismissed everything about Loki that made him _Loki_?

Dr Hamad waited patiently as Loki paced up and down his office, ranting about Thor and his stupidity. Thor had only been on Earth for three days and already he’d made Loki’s life hell.

“Perhaps you’d like some ice cream?” Dr Hamad asked when Loki wound down a bit.

“Yes,” Loki replied, torn between anger and embarrassment at his emotional display.

The doctor fetched a tube of Ben & Jerry’s from the fridge he kept in the office and offered it to Loki, who sat down to eat it.

He had discovered ice cream in one of the Avengers team dinners months ago and had fallen in love with it. Tony had teased him that it probably appealed to his Jotun nature of coldness and ice, and Loki could not entirely discount the theory. There was nothing like it in Asgard, where food was always served steaming hot. The Jotnar, from the little Loki knew, were not in the habit of heating or even cooking their food. Once, he had found that disgusting. Now he knew better than to judge (besides, humans also ate uncooked food).

Regardless, Loki had come to associate ice cream with, as humans called it, comfort food, which was why Dr Hamad had begun keeping some at hand for when Loki was distraught. The sweet flavor combined with the coldness made Loki feel calmer when he was too agitated and out of sorts. It also gave him something to focus on other than whatever inner emotional turmoil he was dealing with at the time.

This occasion certainly qualified. It had barely been 24 hours since he’s spoken with Thor and already he felt completely wrung out.

The one saving grace was that apparently Odin had said nothing about Loki’s impersonation of him (as Loki had expected), so Asgard was none the wiser about Loki’s continued existence. Since Thor had agreed to keep his mouth shut about it, Loki had nothing to fear on that front; he would not be going back to the dungeons and his new friends would not have to put themselves in harm’s way trying to defend him.

“Do you feel better?” Dr Hamad asked.

Loki signed, finishing his ice cream. “Yes, I think so. I just… I wish Thor would go back to Asgard and leave me be.”

The problem, however, was that Loki wasn’t sure if that was actually the truth. There was a part of him that wanted to be done with Asgard and everything in it. Another part… couldn’t quite let go, not of Thor. For centuries he had wanted to be accepted and valued by his brother. He’d wanted Thor to _see_ him and like him anyway. He’d wanted to be Thor’s equal, and he’d wanted Thor to feel the same way. Despite it all, he still loved Thor, and he still wanted those things from him.

“It does not seem like that is going to happen for the moment,” Dr Hamad said.

“No, it doesn’t. Thor seems determined to stay and be a pest. Determined to get his own way, as always, no matter what I think or what I want.”

“You don’t have to forgive him, Loki, or even speak to him if you truly do not wish to.”

It was tempting – oh so tempting – to just ignore Thor, to let _him_ be the one begging for scraps of attention for once. Dr Hamad was right. If Loki refused to see Thor, he knew that no one would force him. He would be the one surrounded by friends and defenders while Thor floundered to fit in and find a place for himself now that the original Avengers were gone. It would be nice to give Thor a taste of what it was like to be on the outside looking in. Once, he would have relished in the very thought. Now… he didn’t want to be that person anymore. He didn’t want to be drowning in anger and bitterness. He’d moved on, and he wanted to keep what he’d found, not go back to what he had before. Punishing Thor wouldn’t do him any good in the end. It would not change the past and it wouldn’t really make him feel better. It would just be petty and vindictive, and Loki was tired of that feeling of helpless rage. He could be better than this.

When he said all that to Dr Hamad, the man smiled at him in approval. “I quite agree, Loki. You’re on the right path.”

Perhaps Loki could salvage something of his relationship with Thor, though. It would never be like it was – and Loki wouldn’t want that – but it could be _something_. As Tony had pointed out before Loki had agreed to talk to Thor, the two of them still had centuries of life ahead of them, and it would better not to spend them at each other’s throats.

“It’s hard talking to him,” Loki said. Still, if he had his friends with him, it would not be so bad. Maybe all of them together could finally put a dent in Thor’s self-centeredness, and show him he could be more than Asgard’s prejudices, if he truly wanted to.

“I understand. But remember that you aren’t alone, and that you have control over some of it.”

Yes, that was what Loki had told himself before the conversation. He walked out because he _could_. He wasn’t beholden to obeying Thor (or Odin). He had a voice, and people who understood his point of view and would back him up if he needed it. It really helped.

In some ways he felt a bit sorry for Thor. Just as Loki had had the ground pulled from under his feet with the revelation of his origins, Thor had also been forced to face some difficult truths in the last few days. Thor had never been a great thinker – he acted out of emotion most of the time – so to be confronted with his mistakes and made to see his own actions in a new light could not have been easy.

Loki sighed, tired of going around in circles. It would be easier if he could just pretend none of this was happening, but Loki had never been one to run away from his problems. He’d just have to see this through and hope that things would work out somehow. It was a new feeling, this optimism that, maybe, things would be all right, and he quite liked it.

*****

“So, what are we going to do about this Thor thing?” Tony asked as he came into Loki’s apartment.

“What do you mean?” Loki replied as nonchalantly as he could.

“I gotta say, I kinda feel bad for him. I mean, sure, he’s a bit of an asshole, but… well, growing up in fucked-up Viking land, it’s really no wonder.”

When Loki didn’t say anything in response, Tony continued. “I know you’re angry at him, and you have every right to be, but I really think he’s trying. It’s not really his fault he has all those stupid prejudices, and it seems like this is the first time he’s ever had to actually examine his own beliefs.”

“I know,” Loki said at last.

“You can’t really blame him for his less than warm reaction to your Jotun form when you yourself didn’t do much better the first time.” It had been petty, Loki knew, to throw that in Thor’s face. And yes, he could not fault Thor for having much the same prejudices that Loki did about the Jotnar. “You should have seen the look on his face after you left, it was pretty pathetic.”

Loki sighed. “He just… makes me angry.”

“Yeah, I get that. I kinda wanted to knock him upside the head plenty of times myself. Can’t imagine what it must have been like to grow up with the guy. But, at the end of the day, he’s not a bad person.”

“I know,” Loki repeated. Arrogant and ignorant, certainly, but not _bad_. For all that Thor had hurt him, Loki did not believe he had ever done it out of cruelty, he just wasn’t like that. Thoughtlessness, yes. Cruelty, no.

“So…” Tony prompted when Loki said nothing further.

“So… I’ll talk to him, I guess. But I would ask for you – any of you, really – to always be there when I do.”

“Sure, we can do that.”

“How did he do with meeting your parents?” Loki asked, with a somewhat wicked grin. Howard and Maria were very protective of their only son, and they had plenty of reason to be suspicious of Thor.

“Well, let’s just say I think he’ll be on his best behavior around them, especially mom.”

Loki chuckled. “Yes, he would be a fool to make her mad.” Though there was not much in the way of physical resemblance between Lady Stark and Frigga, there were still plenty of similarities. Thor might not be the most observant person, but Loki didn’t think he would have missed _that_ , not when he must miss Frigga as much as Loki did.

“Also, I think you should tell him about impersonating Odin.”

“What? Why?”

“Because he thinks something is up with Odin and it’s freaking him out.”

“If Odin didn’t tell him, I don’t see why I should,” Loki replied haughtily.

Tony gave him a look. “Don’t you think there’s been enough lying in this family? I understand letting him believe you were dead; that was necessary. Now that he knows you’re alive, though… There’s no reason to keep him in the dark anymore, he’s agreed to keep this all a secret. Odin won’t tell him because he’s a lying dick who wouldn’t know the truth if it bit him in the ass. You, on the hand, don’t have to be.”

As always, Tony had a good point. The last thing Loki wanted to be was Odin (not now that he no longer had to). “All right, I’ll tell him. But I want you there in case he goes off the rails like usual.”

“Yeah, no problem.”

“Not tomorrow, though. I want a day to myself.” Loki would be damned if he let Thor disrupt his life any more than he already had. He had a life here that did _not_ revolve around the big oaf. Things were going to be on _his_ terms now.

*****

Following his idea of having the other Avengers there as a buffer for Loki and Thor’s interaction, Tony convinced the others to invite Thor for a team dinner. At first Loki hadn’t liked the idea – these were _his_ friends, not Thor’s – but then he realized he was being stupid. Plus, he could not quite resist rubbing that fact in Thor’s face; these people liked _Loki_ better. For once, he was the favorite. And yes, he knew it was petty. As much as he didn’t want to hold on to those old feelings of jealousy and bitterness, it wasn’t that easy to let go.

So they were all gathered at Tony’s penthouse for the meal. Thor arrived with Vision in regular human clothes of jeans and a long-sleeved shirt. His hair was tied back in a ponytail and he had an air of nervousness around him that was quite unusual. Loki glanced at him then turned back to continue his conversation with Strange, not wanting to give Thor his full attention just yet.

“Hey, Point Break,” Tony said. “Glad you could join us.”

“I thank you for the kind invitation, Stark. I am pleased to share this meal with you and your friends.”

“You can call me Tony, you know.”

Thor nodded. “Tony. Thank you.”

Loki watched the exchange out of the corner of his eye. Thor was being very diplomatic, his demeanor slightly subdued, and Loki idly wondered what the man had been doing in the past couple of days since they last spoke.

Thor made his way around the room, greeting each Avenger in turn until he came to where Loki and Strange were standing. “Dr Strange. Loki.”

Strange nodded in acknowledgement. “Thor.” Cloak twitched a bit and reached out a corner to touch Thor, who frowned at him in confusion.

“This is the Cloak of Levitation,” Loki said, in lieu of a proper greeting. When Thor said nothing, Loki continued. “Where are your manners, Thor? Say hello.”

“It’s a cloak,” Thor replied, his tone implying he thought Loki was being silly.

“Actually, he’s a sentient being,” Strange said, and the Cloak detached himself to inspect Thor a bit closer. He hovered for a moment, then shook his lapels in a rather dismissive fashion. It was really surprising how much emotion he could convey with no humanoid features. He “nodded” to Loki and Strange and left to go settle on Tony’s shoulders.

“See, you’ve insulted him,” Loki said. He couldn’t quite stop his mirth from showing, particularly when Thor looked totally baffled. “You really must learn better manners, Thor. Just because something looks different from you doesn’t mean you can be rude to it.”

“I…” He looked over at Tony, who was talking animatedly to Cloak, and frowned. “My apologies.”

“It’s not me you need to apologize to.”

Strange took the opportunity to slip away, leaving Loki alone with Thor. Well, not quite. They were in a room full of people, though they were all giving them as much privacy as they could while still being there.

“Loki…”

“What?”

“I wanted to… apologize… for… last time, when you… You took me by surprise.” It was not like Thor to stammer quite so much. “I’d… forgotten.”

“How nice for you, to be able to forget. Me, I don’t have that luxury.” He turned to look Thor fully in the eye. “I was _never_ able to forget that I was different, even before I knew exactly how much. You, of course, lived in blissful ignorance. It must have been nice.”

Thor flinched. “Yes, I see that now. I didn’t… Loki, I might have been ignorant, but you must believe I never meant to hurt you.”

“I know you didn’t mean it, but that doesn’t change the fact that you did. And you can only claim ignorance so far. Did you really need to have it spelled out to you that mocking my abilities was hurtful? That dismissing my magic as _tricks_ ” he spat out the word “was unkind, to say the least?”

“No, you’re right. I should have seen it for myself. I… I have no excuse. But Loki, I swear I will do better from now on, if you would just give me another chance.”

“I have given you a thousand chances, Thor, and you squandered them time and time again,” Loki hissed, already tired of this conversation.

“You are not totally blameless. You hurt me too, mocked me and played tricks on me and I always forgave you.” Now Thor had that mulish look on his face that made him seem like a petulant child.

“Are you seriously equating a few pranks with what you did?” His eyes narrowed dangerously.

“You also tried to kill me.”

“And you would have left me to rot for all eternity!” Loki screamed. “You couldn’t even be bothered to notice that I was not myself. Humans who had never seen me before in their lives could tell, but not you. You, who professed to love me.” He took a deep breath and tried to rein in his temper. Tony and Bruce were watching them, but keeping their distance for now. “Tell me, Thor, did I ever make you feel worthless? When I pranked you, did it make you doubt your value? Did I ever made you feel that you could never possibly be good enough? Did I?”

Thor deflated again. “No.”

“No,” Loki repeated. “Then don’t try to make it the same. I might have made mistakes, Thor, but they didn’t undermine your sense of self. And as for trying to kill you…” He sighed. “I never wanted you dead, you idiot. Not really. If you don’t know that… then I don’t see how this is going to go anywhere.”

Less than five minutes in Thor’s presence and Loki was already exhausted. He was relieved when Tony announced dinner was ready and everyone broke off their conversations to take their seats. As usual, Tony took the place at the head, with Strange at the other end. Loki sat at Tony’s right and Rhodey at the left. Next to Loki were Bruce and then Hope, with Vision next to Rhodey. That left Thor with the chair next to Vision, as far away from Loki as it was possible to get. Thor frowned, clearly not happy with the arrangement, but he said nothing.

They started passing food around and soon the general conversation was back on track. Thor wasn’t being ignored, precisely, but no one really seemed to know how to get him engaged in the conversation, and Thor himself was oddly shy, preferring to watch rather than taking over the room as he was used to doing. Uncertainty was a new look on Thor, and Loki could not help a slight vindictive thrill at that.

Of course, Thor wasn’t able to stay silent forever. “Is Loki an Avenger now?” he asked.

Once again the petty side of Loki reared its head. He wanted to tell Thor that yes, he was. To make it clear that it was _Loki_ that the humans liked and trusted, not Thor. As satisfying as that might be, however, it would be a lie – and one that Thor could easily verify as such.

“He’s not,” Tony answered, giving Loki a knowing look. “Not yet, anyway. We still have some red tape to go over before we can make that official.”

“I see,” Thor said, though he seemed a bit confused about it.

“As we’ve said, the process of becoming an Avenger is more complicated these days,” Tony continued. “There are steps to be taken, evaluations and all that. Can’t just declare someone an Avenger willy-nilly. We’ve done that and it did not go well.”

“It will be nice to have Loki fighting with us, though. Apparently he’s got a lot of cool skills,” Rhodes added and Loki gave him a grateful smile. Rhodes had been perhaps the most difficult Avenger to win over, so to speak. It was nice to know that the man now trusted and respected him enough to have his back in combat.

Thor grimaced a bit at the dig. “How did you come to be Avengers, then?” he asked, indicating Hope and Strange.

The Avengers launched into the story, and Loki listened attentively. He had read – and heard from Tony and the others – quite a lot about the so-called Civil War that had split the team, but he had not gone very in-depth about what had happened afterwards. He knew Tony and Rhodes, with Hope’s help, had spearheaded the process, but not the details, and he didn’t know how Strange had come into it.

Just as Loki had been, Thor was surprised to learn that Midgard had had its own sorcerers for quite some time. Tony and Hope made it a point of saying how valuable such skills were, and that the Avengers deferred to Strange – and Loki – on magical matters. By the sideways glance Thor gave Loki, he was well aware of why the topic kept coming up.

It was not, all in all, the most comfortable dinner, but it wasn’t terrible either. Loki was actually surprised that Thor didn’t push to talk to him more.

Since Thor was obviously trying, Loki figured he should make an effort to at least give him an opportunity, so after dinner he motioned for Thor to join him in a corner of the room. They would have some privacy while still being near enough to the others so Loki could have backup if he needed it.

“I…” Loki began, uncertain. It felt like ages since he and Thor had truly talked. “There is something I must tell you.” If they had any chance of salvaging anything from their relationship, there could be no more lies and deception between them. In Asgard, Loki had never been comfortable revealing much of himself to anyone, but being on Earth had given him a new appreciation for emotional honesty and the benefits of it.

“I’m listening,” Thor said with an earnest expression. “I promise.”

Loki sighed. “You will not like what I have to say, but I think there has been enough lies in our lives already.”

“Aye, that is true,” Thor agreed.

With a deep breath, Loki started again. “Do you remember after Malekith was defeated? You went to see Odin.”

“Aye.”

“And he essentially gave you permission to return to Earth and be with your Jane?” Not that it had done Thor much good. That relationship had crashed and burned anyway, and a part of Loki was rather curious as to why.

Thor frowned. “Yes, I remember. How do you know of it?”

“Because it was not Odin you spoke to. It was me.”

“What!?” In the blink of an eye, Thor entire demeanor changed. There was fury in his eyes and the air crackled with power. Thor took a menacing step forward and Loki stood his ground. The days of him cowering before Thor were long gone.

The whine of a repulsor charging made Thor turn around. Tony had his watch gauntlet ready and Strange’s hands were bright with magic.

“Calm the fuck down, Thor,” Tony warned.

It was enough. Thor deflated, looking back at Loki with hurt and betrayal in his eyes.

“What did you do to father?”

“Nothing. He fell into the Odinsleep. I only wanted to see if news of my death would affect him at all. I wanted to see if he would care and he just… collapsed.” Like he’d done that day in the vault, that fateful day when Loki’s world had crumbled to dust. This time, however, he had not been overcome with pain and devastation. This time he had kept his head and _thought_. “I realized I had an opportunity.”

“An opportunity to steal the throne,” Thor sneered.

“Steal? You yourself declared you did not want it. Who else was to rule, then? Tell me, Thor. Unless, of course, you’re saying that I had no right to it.” Thor said nothing. Loki continued. “An opportunity to do something about the threat out there. I never wanted the damned throne, Thor, I just wanted to be recognized as worthy of it.” _Like you_ , he didn’t say. It was understood anyway. “None of you bothered to ask me any questions about the invasion – and wouldn’t have believed me even if I’d said anything – and Asgard needed to be protected from Thanos.”

“You lied to me! You lied to my face!” Thor said, though at least he made no more move to get closer, glancing warily at Tony and Strange, who were still standing ready.

“Of course I did! Why should I have told you anything? So you could make good on your promise to lock me up again? So your _friends_ ” he spat out the word “could make good on _their_ promise to kill me?”

That took the wind off Thor’s sails. He slumped, shaking his head.

“I wasn’t trying to deceive you specifically. I just didn’t want to go back to that accursed cell.”

“How long?” His eyes widened. “All that time… All those missions, those plans…”

“Yes, that was all me.”

Thor’s eyes narrowed in anger as he seemed to go over the entire time in his mind. “How long?” he bit out.

“Until a few months ago. Odin began to show signs of waking up, so I came here.”

“That’s why father has been acting so strange lately.”

“Yes.”

“Did he know? Does he know what you’ve done?”

“I believe he was aware of my presence on some level. I do not know how much he could see through the fog of the Odinsleep. When he woke up, however, he would have worked it out easily enough. It was his choice to say nothing to you,” Loki said. It would do Thor good to remember that Loki wasn’t the only liar here.

Thor turned to the Avengers hovering protectively in the background. “You all knew about this.”

It was Tony who answered. “Yeah. Loki told us about impersonating Odin months ago.”

“You didn’t think I deserved to know?”

“Tony is the one who convinced me to tell you,” Loki said. “The Panel doesn’t know – it does not concern them – just the Avengers.”

“You…” Thor trailed off. Now he just seemed lost.

“I’m sorry,” Loki said, though he was not completely certain he was. While it was true that Thor did not, perhaps, deserved to be lied to like that (neither had Loki, and Odin and Frigga had done it anyway), he had also done very little to earn Loki’s trust with that particular secret – and, by extension, his life.

“So no one knew. All that time… Did no one suspect?”

“Apparently not. People see what they want to see. They thought me dead, so I doubt the general population gave me another thought. As I never did anything outrageous, they had no reason to believe anything was wrong.” He paused, watching Thor. “I was a good king. Or at least, good enough that no one ever noticed the difference. Asgard didn’t descend into chaos. Or war,” he couldn’t help but add.

Thor flinched a bit, deflating further. “It just seems… Everywhere I turn there are lies.”

“Yes. Things would have been quite different if Odin had told us both the truth from the beginning.” Loki wasn’t sure they would have been _better_ , though. It didn’t matter now, at any rate.

The lost expression was back on Thor’s face, and Loki felt a little bit sorry for him. “I did what I had to do to protect myself and Asgard. I could not count on anyone else.”

“I…” Thor shook his head. “I would never have… I would not have hurt you.”

“Maybe not, but I’m afraid I can’t believe that, Thor. I could not take that chance.”

“Was I really so horrible?”

Loki watched the pain and regret in Thor’s eyes. Where had all that concern been when Loki had needed it? “You never really saw me, Thor. Never understood what I wanted or needed. You only ever thought of yourself. You felt betrayed, and it never once occurred to you that I might have felt the same way. You always thought the worst of me.”

“That’s not…” Thor began and Loki glared him into submission. “I… I don’t know why I did that, now. I should have realized… I’m sorry.”

“It doesn’t matter now.”

“Surely we can try again,” Thor continued in his most earnest voice. “I _will_ earn back your trust, brother.”

“Don’t call me that!” Loki hissed. “You’ve lost that right.”

Thor swallowed and Loki looked away. He was tired of this conversation, yet he didn’t want to go back to his apartment. _He_ wasn’t the one who had fucked up here; why should he be the one to leave? On the other hand, he couldn’t exactly throw Thor out. Fortunately, his friends were paying attention and Tony was quick to steer Loki away with a pointed glare at Thor.

“Thank you,” Loki told him once they were on the other side of the room.

“We’ve got your back, Lokes,” Tony replied, patting Loki on the shoulder. “You’ll get through this.”

“It just… it feels like one step forward and two steps back with him.”

“You gotta give it time. This rift between you happened over centuries, you can’t expect it to be resolved in a few days.”

Loki did not speak to Thor again that evening, despite the pleading looks the big oaf kept giving him. He stayed a while longer talking to the Avengers until Thor gave up and Strange portalled him back to his hotel.

*****

It was two days later before Loki saw Thor again. He had spent that time thinking and talking to his friends about the situation, trying once again to decide how to handle it. Unfortunately, he changed his mind on it constantly. There were times he was determined never to allow Thor close again, apologies and remorse be damned. At others, though, he desperately wanted the brother of his childhood back, the one Loki had believed without a doubt would always be there for him. The constant back and forth was exhausting, and Loki just wanted the peace he’d found on Earth back, with no more thoughts of Asgard and its stupid people.

He was aware that the Avengers had been talking to Thor, ostensibly about the possibility of him rejoining the Avengers (under a lot of stipulations, of course), but also about Loki. As curious as he was, he did not ask about any of it. It was in part because he refused to let Thor be the center of his existence anymore – he had his own life, which had nothing whatsoever to do with Thor – and in part because he realized he was a little bit jealous. A small voice in the back of his head would sometimes whisper that maybe the others would end up preferring Thor to him if they kept interacting with the oaf too much. He knew that was unlikely, of course, but it was hard to let go of centuries of insecurity. So he didn’t ask, and pretended everything was fine.

Needless to say, when he saw Thor again, he was not in a good mood.

“Loki,” Thor said with a tentative smile. He had agreed to let Tony and Bruce take some readings of him using magic (through Mjolnir) in the lab, and Loki had been invited to observe, which he’d reluctantly accepted.

“Thor,” Loki replied somewhat coldly.

Loki was grateful for the fact that the tests prevented a lot of conversation. Tony instructed Thor on where to stand and what to do while he manipulated the screens around him with incredible speed and precision, chatting all the while to Bruce, Jarvis and the room at large. Despite himself, Loki found himself watching the readings and comparing them to his own, and soon enough he joined his friends in what Tony called “talking science”.

He’d almost forgotten Thor was in the room at all, until he caught sight of his brother’s confused expression. Still, Loki ignored him and continued to discuss the fundamentals of Thor’s magic – and its difference from his own – with his friends. He was enjoying the fact that Thor clearly had no idea what they were talking about, and that for once it was Loki who was in his element, among his peers.

Tony frowned and changed his screens around, reorganizing the data and squinting at it. Loki laughed and made some small adjustments to account for the magical properties he was explaining.

“Ah, yes,” Tony said. “I think I get it now. So Thor doesn’t really _do_ magic, he just…tweaks what’s already there.”

“Precisely.”

Loki stole a glance at Thor and noticed that the man was grimacing. It was not what Loki had expected. He looked at Loki, then at Tony and Bruce and all the blue holograms around them and seemed… sad.

“Thor?” Loki asked, even though he had not intended to speak at all.

“I see it now, Loki,” he said, watching Loki mournfully.

“See what?”

Thor shook his head, as if he couldn’t think of the words to say. “I… You seem more at ease here than you ever did in Asgard. We were… not kind to you. I never realized…” He sighed. “I was a fool. A blind fool. I’m sorry.”

It was far from the first apology Loki had heard from Thor since his arrival on Earth, but this time Loki really believed him. This time he could see that Thor really _understood_ what Loki and the Avengers had been telling him the last few days. Away from the rigidity and prejudices of Asgard, it seemed that Thor was finally beginning to think and _see_.

“I… I don’t know how to make things right, Loki. I’m not sure that’s even possible anymore, but… I lost you once before, and it was terrible. Whatever you may think, I mourned you and I missed you.” In a small voice, he added “though I might have been the only one in Asgard to do so.” He swallowed. “When I learned you were alive, I was overjoyed, Loki. Truly. I would rather have you alive and hating me than dead.”

“I don’t hate you, you idiot.”

Thor smiled a bit at that, though he still looked sad. “I just don’t want to lose you again. I can’t promise that I’ll never hurt you again, but I promise I will do my best not to.”

The thing was, Loki couldn’t really demand more than that. No doubt they would fight again, and say hurtful things to each other. A life free of conflict was impossible, after all. There would be heartache and pain whether he managed to reconcile with Thor or not.

The big question was if he was willing to try.

Before Thor had come back, Loki hadn’t thought that would be a good idea. He’d been holding on to his anger for far too long, and he hadn’t been sure he could really let go of it. Now… Thor had changed a bit in the last few days. Maybe not entirely, but it was a start. He had acknowledged his mistakes, he’d listened – to Loki and to the Avengers – he’d accepted blame, harsh words and advice. He was trying. It was clearly not easy, not to someone who had always just had everything handed to him, but he was trying. More than at any time before his fall, when Thor’s apologies had always sounded like empty words, this time they seemed sincere. It was only a first step, yet an important one.

 _Maybe I can have this_ , Loki thought. _Maybe I can have a little bit of my family back_. Frigga was gone for good, and Odin… well, that was gone too, for various reasons. Thor, though… Thor was still here. Perhaps now they could finally be true brothers, standing equal, each with their own strengths and weaknesses, helping and supporting each other instead of competing for the top spot.

Loki looked over at Tony and Bruce, both of whom gave him encouraging smiles. Then he turned to Thor, who was watching him with hope and longing.

He wasn’t sure that he could forgive Thor, not yet. Still, he realized that he didn’t want to lose him completely either. It might be a hard road ahead, but perhaps it would be worth it.

 _I want to try_.

“We cannot change the past,” he told Thor. “We can only go from here. If you really want to try…”

“I do,” Thor said eagerly.

“Then I guess we can do that, and see how it goes.”

The smile that graced Thor’s face could have outshone the sun. He hesitated for a moment before stepping forward to hug Loki.

Loki could honestly not remember the last time he and Thor had hugged, and he found that he missed it. He missed his big brother, the one he had loved all his life, even when he was angry and hurt.

“I’m so sorry, Loki,” Thor said. “I swear I will do better.”

“I’m sorry too,” Loki replied, hugging back. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Tony giving him a thumb’s up and smiled.

It wasn’t perfect, not by a longshot. There was still a lot to work through, both individually and together, but it was a good start, Loki thought. It was more than he’d had before. For now, it would have to be enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from this quote:  
> Forgiving and being reconciled to our enemies or our loved ones are not about pretending that things are other than they are. It is not about patting one another on the back and turning a blind eye to the wrong. True reconciliation exposes the awfulness, the abuse, the hurt, the truth. It could even sometimes make things worse. It is a risky undertaking but in the end it is worthwhile, because in the end only an honest confrontation with reality can bring real healing. Superficial reconciliation can bring only superficial healing. – Desmond Tutu


End file.
